Anger

Dear Friends,

I was touched by the testimonial “I want to live!” If you have never been in that situation you may not be able to grasp the surge of power that comes with this statement.

When you finally have reached the absolute bottom and you think there is no place to go, there are always two more places. You can give up entirely and be planted six feet under or you can scream out for help  and start pulling yourself up! The difference is you have to get mad and scream and not give up.

Anger is not a bad emotion. As women we have been taught to just take it and not explode with anger. Exploding with anger is rage and rage is not OK, but giving yourself permission that you are upset and  angry is a good thing and telling the person that you are angry at. When you keep it in it is like poison. So what do we do to ourselves? We turn anger into sad and we feel sorry for ourselves for being mistreated. Then WHAT? The anger goes to sad and then to depression. We eat to make the hurt go away or we sleep to not have to deal with what is!

It is all our perfectionism again sandwiched with that procrastination that paralyzes us into depression. I can see you all shaking your heads at me. “How can perfectionism be the foundation to my feeling bad.” Well here is how it all fits together!

When something goes wrong in our lives and we can’t fix it; what do we do! We can’t fix it to make it right again or we can’t change the other person; we want everything back the way it was!! Do you see the perfectionism rearing its ugly head? We do everything in our power to CONTROL THE ISSUES! And make it all better! Only to be shot down time and time again! So if we can’t do it right what do we do! We were taught to do nothing!! I wish that was all we would do, but we have to turn it inward to abuse ourselves.

When we are unable to fix things we begin to feel guilty because of our inability to make things right or perfect! We then start to beat ourselves up! So we activity punish ourselves. It is bad enough when we have been abused by others but now we are abusing the only person that cares for you: YOU!

This is why anger is good! It is focused toward someone else and not yourself. Now it is not good to be angry all the time because that increases your adrenalin and causes your body to attack itself in immune deficiency diseases. If you are always in fight or flight mode when you really need to scream out for help you will not be able to.

Adrenalin is an amazing body chemical. It is a power surge that supplies the energy right when you need it! This is how a mother can lift a car off of a child. I have said it many times, “Too much of a good thing can be bad for you!” Try eating a whole chocolate cake!

I have a good supply of adrenalin now! At one time I was totally depleted of my resources. I used them all up by always being upset and walking on eggshells. The adrenalin kept me from feeling what was happening inside my own body. It was a drug! It masked even the most regular pain of monthly cramps. I never had a discomfort until I became calm and peaceful. In other words the stress was not continually pumping adrenalin into my body. Now this was an amazing thing to realize when I felt them for the first time. I actually celebrated having cramps. I will never forget it.

Just a couple months earlier I had reached that bottom I was telling you about! I knew I was going to die and I wanted to live! I reached out for help and was able to scream even if it was ever so quietly that I chose life. I allowed someone to help me! In my perfectionism I had never wanted help. I could do it myself. But I really could not. I didn’t even know what was wrong; I just knew I didn’t want to die! And I was going to die if I stayed in the situation I was in.

So anger can free you if you use it sparingly! Focus your justified anger toward what is making you angry and not at yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of the situation. Don’t turn it inward to punish yourself when you can’t fix it! You are not responsible for anyone but you! Let go of the guilt, pain and stress and be good to yourself by getting angry at the right person! Then let it go and get on with your life! Because you have a job to do! You may not know what it is but you choose life too! And if you stick around God will send the breeze your way and you will set out on your journey. Life is a journey not a destination.

So what anger have you been turning inward?

I love you all!

FlyLady

In our book Body Clutter we help you address your anger and keep you from turning it on yourself.

http://shop.flylady.net/pages/FlyShop_srbc.asp

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