As SHEs we have a tendency to obsess about everything and I mean everything. We can take the simple act of cleaning our bathrooms and spend all day in there getting it just perfect. You all know exactly what I mean. Once we have gotten it presentable it is time redecorate. So we run to the store and buy new stuff or worse yet spend 5 hours on our hands and knees with a tooth brush cleaning the grout in the tile. I am not even going to address the need to repaint when a little soap and water would have sufficed. If a little will word fine then a lot will do better. This is our personality. The trouble is sometimes we cannot see what we are going to ourselves because of this overwhelming urge to do it right. It is almost like we are trying to fill a need to be accepted, approved, or loved. We all need strokes, but we cannot expect the world to give them to us. When we are in the middle of our manic phase every thing else in our lives if left to fend for themselves: So when you emerge from that so-called perfect bathroom the rest of the house is in shambles. Be sure as you stand up from your prone position to get a glimpse of yourself in the bathroom mirror. It is not a pretty sight. You look like something the cat has drugged in. I would say that drugged is the right word here. Drugged as in over dosed on your perfectionism.
When are we going to learn about our little triggers and stop ourselves from obsessing or hyper-focusing? We also do this with people in our lives. We think that if only we could get so-and-so to love me more; I would be alright. Well if this person does not love you now and their actions do everything but slap you in the face; chances are they are never going to love you the way you deserve to be loved. So what are you going to do about this? Sit around and feel sorry for yourself. That doesn’t accomplish anything but a pity party that no one wants to attend but you. Whining is the most unattractive thing that you can do to yourself. It makes you feel defeated and passes the blame for your inaction onto others. You know exactly what I am talking about. Those martyred attitudes we have had hammered into our heads from our mothers and grandmothers since the day we were born.
For years now I have been telling you that you don’t have to clean like your mother did. That we can do it our way and 15 minutes at a time. It doesn’t have to be perfect because no one is going to make you go back in there and redo it. I promise. This is your home and you get to clean however you choose. With that being said; we don’t have to act like our mothers either. This goes for the whiny martyred attitude and blaming that we have all been guilty of most of our lives. Before we knew what we were doing we may have had a little excuse for our behavior, but now it is unacceptable because you are no long ignorant of this personality flaw. Yes you heard me right. Whining, martyrdom and blaming others is a personality flaw that we can correct. It is not about being a perfect person either. It is just to change a few habits that will make your life easier and get you off of your pity pot. After all: has any of this whining, martyrdom and blaming ever changed anything? So why keep doing something that has never worked and only succeeds to pull you down further into your deep hole of depression.
Did you know that you cannot change anyone’s behavior but your own? Try as you might all you can do is set the example in love: and this is love for yourself. Not anyone else at all. So if you pick up the stuff that is out of place in the living room that belongs to your teenage sons and put it in their rooms: You are not doing it for them! You are doing it for you, because you deserve to have a living room that is presentable to you and no one else. If their stuff bothers you then move it. Don’t sit around all day feeling sorry for yourself that no one helps around here. You have two arms and 15 minutes. Everyone has 15 minutes. It won’t even take that long. You could spend all day fussing or 2 minutes doing. Which one is better for you: The less stress or a raging battle with yelling and ugly words? Now here is theother side of this coin. This is your home too. Setting the example in love for yourself is going to rub off on them. They will eventually see that they deserve to live in a home that is a present to them as well. Now you may have to have a talk over dinner about what you are trying to do. You may even have to apologize for not doing your part in the past, but you can raise some eyebrows with your attitude adjustment.
If you are cleaning the house for others then you have missed my point altogether. No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. You cannot clean your home enough to make someone love you. It doesn’t work that way. Besides even if you are single you deserve to have a huggable home to greet you each time you walk in the door. So what are you waiting for: Your knight in shining armor to charge through your door and fix everything? Well sister he died a long time ago. Oh by the way Mr. Clean is not going to pop in either.
If you want to see a change it has to start with you and only you because you are the only person that you can change. Your attitude will set your altitude. You can either be wallowing in your pity pot or soaring high as we FLY to new levels of loving ourselves each and every single day!
Now go get dressed to your lace-up shoes and fix your hair and face. It is bad enough to act like your mother, but to walk in the bathroom and scare yourself by looking like her is kind of hard to take in the morning. Even if your mom was gorgeous: you know exactly what I am talking about.
Are you ready to Finally Love yourself by letting go of your whiny martyred and blaming attitudes?