Be Kind to You

Dear Friends,

We all have a scared little kid living inside of us. We like to think of ourselves as being all grown up; after all our age and our bodies are matured. Somewhere along the way we have felt like we were losing control and we have worked hard at taking control of every area of our lives; only to feel even more out of control.

That scared little kid inside of us is trying so hard to not mess up. We want to show the world that we are good at what we do. We don’t want anyone to not like us, this is why we say “YES” to anyone who asks us to do something. We don’t want to disappoint anyone and most of all we don’t want anyone to know our dirty little secret. That secret is that we are not really in control; we are faking it!

Is this beginning to sound like a juggling act to you? We can keep a few pins in the air for a minute or two and then someone throws us one more thing to juggle. Eventually one after another pin starts to hit the floor. I guess there is always a straw that breaks the camel’s back.

If you will think back in your life; you will see when those pins started coming at you too fast. Maybe your children came close together or a loved one died. You could have started a new job or moved. Eventually something had to fall by the wayside. Most of the time it was you and your home! You didn’t even realize you were neglecting yourself. You just thought you didn’t have time!

That little child in you wants to do it all by herself. She doesn’t want to ask for help! The lack of control she is feeling has her pushing everyone away that could and would help her. Why can’t we do it by ourselves? I think this is the question we have all been wanting to know for a long time.

I don’t think it is that we can’t; it is just that it does not come naturally to us. We need to be taught. Since that little child in us does not want to let anyone know she is faking it and doesn’t really know how to handle everything; she silently beats herself up for not knowing it all! Does that sound like anyone you know?

This is what we do when you join our little cyber-family. When you look at the FlyLady cartoon character, you can identify with the different faces that she has. One minute you need a cheerleader, the next minute you may need a fairy Godmother. Then there are times that you need a loving mother figure to lift you up or gently remind you of something you have not done. She is always dressed to shoes with a bright smile on her loving face. You see her wings and know that she can FLY.

You too have many different faces and they are all merged into the real you. The real you wants to be loved and to love! You want to be appreciated and respected! You don’t like being angry and feeling bad.¬†You want to feel happy and enjoy life not just go through the motions keeping all the pins juggling in the air.

What you really want is peace! In order to find this peace; you are going to have to make peace with all the different faces you have. The scared little child needs to know that it is going to be fine. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. The rebellious little child needs to know that she is being heard and that housework, exercise, and food are not punishment. The happy-go-lucky little child needs to know that she can go out and play.

Our lives have many different faces. This essay is written in honor of a dear friend’s birthday. She struggles with multiple personality disorder because of serious abuse in her childhood. None of us can go back in time and change our parents, but we can re-parent ourselves with the love that we extend to our children and our grandchildren.

When we can embrace with love the parts of us that are scared, looking for love, respect and kindness; we can let go of our need to always be in control or look like we are in control and finally merge our adult and hurt little child into a happy person who is FLYing! Finally Loving Yourself, all parts of you is the key to making peace with all those faces.

I love you all and I have struggled with these same issues too. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up until I turned 43 years old. I think it was because I had not embraced that rebellious side of me. I just want to show everyone that I was a big girl when deep inside I was scared to death and fighting so hard to keep those pins in the air. It was only after I stopped juggling and put the pins down (many had crashed into the ground) that I could see what my life’s work was. It is you! Helping you to find out your mission!

Please use kind words when you are talking to that scared little child inside of you! Don’t beat her up; she has been beaten many times. She needs to be heard and gently shown a new way of looking at things. Together we can encourage each other and our scared little child into doing what we need to do so we can all go out and play! After all that is all we really want to do is play!

Are you ready to embrace your scared little child?

FlyLady

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