I start the day with a plan…what I intend, need, want to do. I awaken anticipating Plan A but am confronted by Plan B. Receiving a phone call cancelling an appointment. A storm that rolled through the night, lost power, a wet basement. Bad news from a family member. A disappointment in a relationship. Plan B might also be good news – a car repair is finished earlier than expected. A friend gives me theater tickets she is unable to use. An unexpected check in the mailbox.
My instinctive reaction when Plan B enters is to make excuses for abandoning most of Plan A that involves taking care of myself. I don’t go to bed on time (too excited, too worried). I skip lunch (there isn’t time to eat). Exercising? (I’ll fit it in tomorrow).
I know that I don’t live in a vacuum and am part of the larger universe of people, weather, tragedy, surprises. But I couldn’t understand why any Plan B (big, small, happy, sad) sends me so far off course.
It has taken a long time to understand that Plan A is my ideal of the “perfect” day. The perfect day, with no upsets or surprises, is the day I will completely take care of myself. The perfect day is the only right time to begin. If the day becomes less than perfect, rain when I wanted sun, I immediately have permission for making excuses. All I had to do was blame Plan B.
Perfectionism and Procrastination…again and again. Plan A is an illusion, but I wait for that perfect day, to take care of myself. It’s the day that never, ever comes.
Flying is teaching me that Chaos is not caused by Plan B. Chaos is caused by waiting for Plan A. My real life is in the imperfect Plan B, every single day. Always, simply, the answer to Plan B is found in loving myself first. I am learning to change direction while continuing to FLY.