It’s taken 20 months for me to stop resisting Flylady’s Before Bed Routine. I always shine the sink, set up coffee, and brush my teeth. But I only went to bed early, picked out clothes and filled the launchpad if I had someplace specific to be the next morning. Absent a morning appointment, I stayed up until I was sleepy, didn’t pick out clothes and couldn’t figure out why I resisted most of the evening routines. They are not difficult and don’t take long to complete.
But eventually, the truths in Flylady find me. Avoiding the Before Bed Routine revealed yet another form of lack of care for myself. The fact that I can do the routine flawlessly when I have an obligation to someone else means I show up on time and prepared. I treat others as important. The fact that I ignore the routine when I am the only person on the next morning’s agenda….there’s the writing, all over the wall. I treat myself as unimportant, don’t make any commitments to myself, it’s acceptable to meet a day with myself unprepared and it’s perfectly okay to waste my own time.
Resisting the Before Bed Routine also revealed another form of procrastination. Not treating myself as important, lacking an agenda, prepared for nothing, at ease squandering my morning…it’s easy to get out of bed and say, I don’t feel like doing this today. I am not in the mood to start this today. I am not in the right frame of mind to deal with this today. I’ll do it tomorrow…
There is my whole life, spelled out. I say I want to love myself and make big decisions and big changes, and then treat tomorrow with ambivalence and carelessness. It’s become evident to me that if I can’t even make a decision as small as what I am going to do tomorrow, commit to it, prepare for it – and actually do it – there should be no surprise for me when nothing big is any different a month from now, or a year from now.
Once the truth was exposed, puzzle pieces fell together. Yes, the Before Bed Routine is great when I have an appointment the following day. But it’s even more critical when I don’t have plans with another person. It offers another dimension in which to choose love for myself, for its own sake. It chips away at the procrastination that pervades my life.
The small decisions have to come first. When I decide that tomorrow with myself is important, I can do more than hop from branch to branch. A month from now, a year from now, the scenery can change, when I FLY into tomorrow’s day.