I ask a lot of questions, when overwhelmed by chaos. Questions like – why don’t I ever get any relief, peace? Why does nothing good ever happen? Why do I feel so much pressure? Why do I always seem to be facing this problem? I keep circling these questions; it is discouraging, never finding an answer.
After I had been FLYING for a while, I understood that my lack of love for myself was right there, in these questions. My perspective of futility, firmly rooted in the belief that I deserved unhappiness, in the belief that I was doomed to never receive happiness.
It is hard to admit it, but the one thing I didn’t consider was that the love and rescue I wanted from the world was something I could give to myself. I don’t think I realized that I was the only one, who could give it to myself. I also didn’t realize that the world gives to me, what I give to myself.
Flying makes it clear – I was simply asking the wrong questions. Now, when I am in chaos or overwhelm, I know that relief and peace are found in the caring acts of self-love. That “waiting” for good things to happen is just “waiting” – if I want something good to happen, I have to take a babystep. That the pressure I feel is perfection; letting go of the expectation of perfection is what relieves the pressure. Always facing the same problem is often caused by continuously neglecting my own needs, and putting everything else first. Flying sets routines and boundaries around what I must do, and must not do, for myself.
Rescuing my life from chaos is giving to myself, the love, respect and acceptance that I wanted from the world. When I love myself, the world is more loving to me. Flying, changed my questions. Flying, found my answers.