How do I FLY, through storms, illness, grief, worry? How do I find peace, when what defines me is distorted or taken away? In the chaos of loss, is my conflicting spectrum of reactions. Overwhelm. Gratitude. Survivor’s Guilt. Denial. Despair. Anger. Vulnerability. Fear. In confusion and shock, uncertain, it is so easy, to give up. Abandoning myself, my faith, and asking – why bother?
FLYING, I understand why I ask “why bother”? Flying says, my youth, my appearance, my health, my career, my relationships, my home, my stuff – this is the transient part of life. In all of life’s transient losses, surrender and acceptance are needed to move forward, but perfection will not allow the release. Perfection wants permanence. Perfection needs control – perfection cannot permit uninvited change. Perfection needs security; perfection can’t trust. Perfection is uncomfortable asking for help – creating isolation. Perfection blames when things go wrong – it can’t forgive. Perfection needs predictability – fear of the unknown robs optimism in the future.
When I encounter a crisis of faith or abandon love for myself, I am measuring my loss – and my future – against my expectation of perfection. Peace finds me, when I love myself while releasing my loss. I only need to hold, within myself, what I love. I only need to believe, that the God Breeze will find me, if I take a small step toward letting go of what was.
How do I recover, imperfectly? I cry in the hollow of a tree, and ask the God Breeze to help me find the courage to FLY. The God Breeze comes when I begin, in babysteps, to surrender the perfection. Starting over, where I am, with what I have. Gently, compassionately, forgiving, with faith, with love. Imperfectly, simply, Flying.