I slept, to escape from my life, when I thought “releasing” meant “patiently waiting”. I waited to be rescued, for others to change, for situations to be different. I held clutter, ignored how I felt, and “released” my responsibility to decide who and what I loved, used and needed in my life. I “released”, whatever happened, whenever it happened, to whoever decided. I slept, to escape, because I could not endure my life, while I waited for everything else change.
I ate, to fill the empty, bottomless, emotional hole, when I thought “releasing” meant “throwing away what was valuable”. There was the guilt of being unappreciative, of the past, relationships, jobs, commitments. It didn’t matter, whether I loved, used or needed what I had – I only knew, it was irresponsible, to end, what I once valued. I ate, because all I had inside was the empty past, believing nothing could change.
Flying, gives me new ways to define release. I did not know, that “release” is not “patiently waiting”. Waiting, is abandoning myself. “Waiting” is what keeps me stuck. “Release”, is not “throwing away value” – it is letting go, of what has lost its value, to allow change. Waiting, holding it all, finds that what I have given up, is me. I stopped waiting, I let go of what was. Finding energy, in what I could release. Finding contentment, in what I can value, now.
Flying, in babysteps – decluttering, loving myself. In the release, I am awakened, filled, with change.