When misfortune overwhelms support, when faith in what is “right” is tested, when my actions are driven by vulnerability, I learn a difficult truth. The confident, admirable, transcendent person is easy to be, going upward on a successful path in life, with a little money in the bank and exciting prospects ahead. It is more challenging to be this person when life peels away the mask, when stability, people, love and health disappear faster than I can assimilate the losses.
It is easy to judge what I see “out there” from a nice clean house with makeup on, surrounded by family and friends. It is easy to believe my life could never deteriorate to a mess, to believe my own behavior could never surprise me, and to believe I will never fear or reveal fragility.
Pride can fall. Security can be broken. Spirituality can be lost in my soul’s tears. Now, I know the pain of chaos. Now, I hear a heart that is hurt beneath mean words. Now, I find compassion in what I pitied and did not understand.
Baby steps bring order to chaos and peace to my day. Baby steps forgive my heart’s pain and find faith in kindness. Baby steps teach me I am not pitiable, but imperfect.
I am grateful for all that chaos teaches. Within a little bit of care, understanding, love, and prayer, I am thankful that a little bit, heals so much.
In my Shiny Sink, a start to Flying, again and again.