Can’t See the Forest for the Trees

Dear Friends,

This week our focus is on our master bedrooms. As a result we are also putting an extra emphasis on relationships.

How many fights have you had because to the chaos in your home. I don’t care about whose responsibility it was to clean it or who collected all the clutter. The bottom line is clutter and chaos cause unrest in your home. This is one of the main reasons that I want you to grab this bull by the horns and toss the clutter outside your door. I want this pain and strife to end in your life and for you to find the peace that I have promised. I also want you to quit beating yourself up over not having the perfect marriage or home. There are times when it is not your fault. Now listen to me very closely.

I was raised in a church that believed that it was an unforgivable sin to divorce and regardless of the biblical reasons for divorce, I would never be able to remarry. So I went into my first marriage vowing to never divorce. My determination to stick it out to the end almost resulted in my death. The difficulties in that marriage I blamed all on me, because of my lack of house keeping skills.

It was only after I found my routines that I began to actually see the forest for what it really was. I had been stumbling blindly through this marriage thinking that every problem that arose was a result of my mess. I started to do something and quit whining, then my home came together. The most interesting part in finding routines was after my house was clean and orderly, I still had problems in my marriage.

This is the part I want you to hear. Your self-blame and the conflicts hide the real problem. I have told you many times, that I want you to clean the house for you, not for your husband or your children, but for you and your joy. When you get your home in order, you will be better able to see the problems, because you will no longer have the clutter to cloud your eyes from the truth.

This is exactly what happened to me in my first marriage. He was not a happy person. I thought that I could make him happy “if only” I did this or that. The truth was I couldn’t do anything to change his personality. He was just a grim person who liked making others feel bad. It was only after my home was clean and orderly that I could see that I didn’t make him that way. It didn’t matter whether our home was clean and tidy; he was going to find something wrong and did. Let me tell you that after the house had no problems, he had to start attacking me to find ways to hurt me. The abuse got worse. This is all because the clutter was a camouflage for the real problems. It was much easier to fight over the hot spots or undone laundry than to tackle the problem of no love in a marriage.

This is a very tough issue and we have been sidestepping it for a long time. One of our members sent me a testimonial that thanks us for helping her to find the real problems in her marriage. After the clutter was gone, the main problem could be seen. I want for you what I have peace. It came with getting rid of my clutter, so that I could see the true me and FLY. Sometimes we have to FLY Solo for a while. Now I am not advocating divorce. I just want you to get your home clean so that you can address the real problems and not stick your head in the sand and blame yourself.

Are you ready to FLY?

FlyLady

This week we are in Zone 4, our bedroom. You deserve to have a bedroom that is your sanctuary! Please send us pictures of your beautiful bedroom. Next month our habit is making our bed. We might just use it on our website.

Please send the picture to FlyLady@flylady.net with MY BEAUTIFUL BEDROOM in the subject line.

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