Did you know we can actually be a mom to ourselves? I know it sounds sort of crazy, but it’s true.
I received an email from one of you and it illustrates my concept very well.
Here is the story that compelled me to write to you:
I had noticed a family at my daughter’s school all year; the children look like they came straight out of a fairytale. One day, they were playing with their dad at the park when we were there. He was so gentle and caring with his children. He laughed and played with them. They even included my children in their games. As we were leaving the park, I heard the thought in my head, “I wish I could be in that family.”
I immediately envisioned myself as his wife and thought, ‘No way! I am happily married to a wonderful man who is a wonderful husband and father. I have never even been tempted to stray! Where in the world would such a sick thought come from?!’ I was angry with myself. Then I realized that it was not my desire to be his wife, but the desire of someone within me to have a gentle, loving father. Wow!
I discovered a scared, shy little girl. She just wanted to have a safe, loving family to be in instead of the angry, hurtful home I grew up in. I am enjoying getting to know her. She is so sweet. Many tears later I am finding the peace that has eluded me for so long.
Mom and her three sweet children.
All this woman was doing was being self-aware and following up on the source of those thoughts that shocked her. This is enlightened awareness and it’s very healing as you could tell by her comments.
It’s so easy for us to look on the other side of the fence and wish before we think. Somebody said, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” If you catch yourself wishing you’d had a better childhood, you can be a mom to that part of you that didn’t get what she needed.
Write down some element you missed like attention, understanding, love, protection, you name it and start giving yourself that very thing. Now that you’re an adult and have learned so much growing up, you can turn that experience onto your own being.
My mother did not have a very good childhood. When she was seven, her parents often left her at a theater to watch movies (in Chicago) from eight in the morning when they went to work until six at night when they got off. I can’t imagine such abuse and yet my mother said she loved watching the movies and grew to love movie stars and movies in general.
Mom and Dad were both “life changers” in that they came together and vowed to be great parents, in spite of the lousy examples they had. My dad’s mom died when he was 13 and he was never made to go to school again.
I’m very thankful for the wonderful childhood my parents provided for my sister and me and I’ve thought a lot about those who haven’t had such a great bringing up. What I’ve discovered is we can all get a second chance at having a great childhood by thinking about the eternal child that lives in us and developing a relationship with her.
We really get a second chance at having a great childhood, because when we get to know our inner child we can be the benevolent, happy and understanding parent we may not have had when we were growing up.
Pick something you’d like to change and start doing something different than you’re doing now to make that change you want become a reality. If you’re in the habit of putting yourself down, my book The Joy of Being Disorganized will give you a whole bunch of new thoughts about your SHEness. Just for an example, did you ever consider that your disorder is a blessing? It certainly is. I’d love you to have my chapter entitled There Arose Such a Clutter as my gift.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Young@Heart essay on change.