Romance is not just about sex. My mom cracked me up, after reading some article in a woman’s magazine about sex being the main reason for a happy marriage, when she said, “If sex was the cause of happiness, then hookers would be the happiest people in the world.”
To me romance is not just about sex. It’s all about creating magical moments in your relationship that will take little time out of your busy schedule. Stop thinking you’re too busy for romance.
Here are 6 ideas I’ve collected from some very happy couples as well as some tried and true ideas from yours truly. (Please note: I’m on my second marriage.)
1 Use your calendar
I know Flylady would agree with me that most of us SHEs (Sidetracked Home Executives) are romantics at least in the literary sense of the word. We both advise having a date night once a week. We love books and movies about romance and we both know that being organized helps in the romance department. (If you don’t shave your legs regularly, you’re not going to want to be romantic and your mate probably won’t be either.)
Just a little bit of planning will pay off. Plan a romantic rendezvous during the month. You can get a room at a local hotel or plan to have the house all to yourselves. Just the anticipation of being together in this way will add spark to your romantic life.
As you read the ideas in this blog, write the ones you like on your calendar and don’t plan on doing all of these in one month. Spread out the ideas throughout the year.
Maybe you’ve thought, ‘how can romance be put on a calendar?’ Well, you’ve got four Saturdays this February and one of them is Valentine’s Day, so go get your calendar and put a heart on every Saturday this month and let your creative mind come up with some great ideas for each one of them. If date night has sort of fallen off your radar, now’s a good time start over and reinstate it.
2 Let the pros help
I’m not talking about getting a call girl for your husband or partner, but you can let the professional writers help you express your deepest sentiments in words. Now is the time to buy Valentine cards, so don’t just get one, get 12 and send him one every month on the fourteenth.
3 Pay attention
Whenever you can, take the time to give your partner 100% of your attention when he wants to talk to you. Put down the cell phone, dog, book, shovel, or whatever you’ve got in your hands (unless it’s the baby and it needs you) and face your partner, so you can really hear what he’s saying. It’ll make him feel loved and important to you and that’s romantic.
4 Keep him guessing
If you took Psych 101, you probably learned about random reinforcement. Researchers put three groups of rats in three separate cages, each equipped with a button to push. The A group of rats got a treat every time they pushed the button. The B group never got a treat, no matter how often they pushed the button. And the C group got treats just once in a while.
The A group eventually got bored with the guaranteed reward, and the B rats who never got treats gave up, too. But the C rats that received random treats would be pushing that button if they were still alive today, hoping each time they pushed it they just might get lucky. (Sounds like me in Vegas.)
Romance is a treat, a magical moment in your relationship, and whether you’ve been with your mate for six months or sixty years you’ll always love little surprises and he will too.
5 Be prepared
When you’re out and about (even at the grocery store) shopping, keep your eyes open for little “surprise gifts” you know he’d like. The next time he or she is feeling down, give him one of the gifts. (Remember the C rats.) This is a wonderful and uplifting act of love and it will be remembered for a very long time.
6 20 second hug and kiss
Years ago, I saw a marriage counselor on a television talk show talk about the best tip she had to spark up a marriage. She said this one tip had helped failing marriages and enhanced good marriages. She called it the 20 second kiss. She suggested kissing for the full 20 seconds, not coming apart. (Sort of like you did when you were dating.) I was single at the time, but I told my sister who was married about it and she tried it on her policeman husband as he went out the door for work. (He was 45 minutes late for duty.)
To eliminate tardiness at work, use the 20 second kiss and hug when you’ve been apart for the day or any time more than five hours. By giving him a 20 second hug and kiss, you’ll both feel deeply re-connected and not just when you want to be romantic.
Taking just a little bit of time to plan and be creative with the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with will do so much for your marriage. And one more thing: let him know what turns you on. Chances are, he doesn’t. I love it when Terry opens a door for me, hugs me from behind, gives me his coat when were out and I get cold, holds my hand, rubs my feet when we watch movies at home, but at some time, I had to let him know that’s what I like.
Thank you for reading Young@Heart. I hope you’ll share it with your friends who could use a little spark, and be sure to read six more ideas next week.
Oh and if clutter is getting in the way of magical times, I’d like to give you the chapter in my latest book that will help you see clutter like you’ve never seen clutter before. I’ve discovered clutter has energy of its own and it can sap our spirits with its countless venomous voices.
Oh and, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!ac