1. Face the problem in full light
2. Asses what you can do to solve it
3. Create a plan of action
4. Do at least one action every day according to the plan
5. Be patient and persistent
6. Know you’re not alone
It’s never too late to change when you don’t like something in your life! But you have to be able to illuminate the cause of a problem and what part you’ve taken to create it in the first place. See your part in the problem, for as long as you blame someone else for it, you have no control over the change. You can’t get anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.
1. FACE IT
One divorced woman wrote that she’d been married for 25 years and her husband had cheated on her more than once during the marriage and had ultimately left her for another woman. She said she hardly recognized her home or herself and she blamed him. Then she realized in spite of a cheating husband she’d successfully raised two happy children and she needed to stop worrying about what her husband did and focus on what she was going to do.
She figured he probably felt he’d had a good excuse for the affairs because she’d gained a bunch of weight and was not attractive, she hadn’t had the energy or desire to be intimate with him because of her unhealthy body, the house had gotten out of control and she was a fulltime homemaker and felt guilty for her shortcomings.
It occurred to her if she were to get her act together, she’d get her life back, her body back and her home back. She didn’t mention anything about wanting to get her ex back. It took her a little over a year to reach her goal and she was looking forward to flaunting her new self (in a size eight, mother-of-the-bride suit) at their daughter’s wedding.
2. DO WHAT YOU CAN DO
Deciding what you can do, especially when someone is unfaithful, isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary you want your power back. I remember going to my minister when my husband was caught having an affair (I had three little kids and they came to the session with me because I couldn’t get a babysitter) and he told me that my job was to be the best me I could be, not for my husband but for me. Back then I was frumpy, suspicious, and overweight and kept a totally cluttered and dirty home. I knew what I needed to do. I knew disorganization affected every aspect of my life; my health, relationships, finances, appearance, recreation, hospitality etc. but I got temporarily stuck in self-pity and the resultant poor habits and routines. Getting help is essential, and most of us aren’t very good at asking for help, but we need to get over that.
It was only when I shared my problems with my sister that the two of us came up with a plan. Where two or more are gathered you increase the energy tenfold, whether you’re robbing a bank or getting organized.
3. CREATE A PLAN
When I discovered that I could baby step my way to being organized, I let go of the vision of a mountain to climb. In Sidetracked Home Executives: from pigpen to paradise we said, “You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time!” Not that we were into eating elephants, we just initially saw our “problem” as something so much bigger than we were.
4. BREAK IT DOWN
When you break any problem down into manageable bites you can do anything! (I walk five miles every day and when I figured out in a year I walk 1,825 miles, I couldn’t believe it! That’s almost half way across our country.)
5. BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT
Keep the vision of what you want in your mind as much as you can. One of my visions was surely from Nelly (my inner child). I wanted revenge. I wanted my ex to see what he lost and be sorry. Oh dear, I hadn’t quite learned that vengeance isn’t mine and anyway, the best revenge is having a happy successful life! We don’t need to spend a single moment of our precious minds thinking about what somebody else thinks, even if he or she did hurt us. “What goes around, comes around,” is good enough for me.
6. KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE
In The Course in Miracles it says, “If you only knew who was with you on the path you’ve chosen, you would never be afraid.” Spend time feeling the presence of your guardian angels, the spirits of your ancestors and the Holy Spirit. You are NOT alone whether you know it or not.
Now start changing something you know you can change.