Your recent essay about depression hit me hard this week.
I suffered from depression for a long time. It affected my health, my relationship with my family and friends, and my relationship with myself. I didn’t like myself very much. There were days when I HATED me. I became so stressed and unhappy that my body began to rebel. I couldn’t eat. Anxiety caused me to throw up whenever I ate. I dropped a lot of weight. I was on the point of being hospitalized when my doctor finally put me on meds. It helped a little but I still had days where I would go into a downward spiral to the dark place and then it would take me a few days to dig myself out again.
Two years ago, I went into the mother of all depressions (at least to me) It was ten times worse than anything I had yet experienced. For six weeks straight, I was in tears, I wasn’t eating again and I wasn’t sleeping. When I did go to sleep, I would hope never to wake up. It was a very dark time for me. I finally managed to dig myself back out (though it took me nearly eight weeks to do it) Going to my doctor for help, proved impossible as he retired and didn’t tell his patients. I didn’t know what else to do.
People at work saw that I was unhappy and someone finally told me that I was no longer having fun. I realized that she was right and started making myself smile even when I really didn’t want to. Slowly, I was starting to come out of the depression and then, I found FlyLady.
The shiny sink was the first babystep and yet, that was not where I chose to start.
I chose to get dressed to the shoes, including make-up and fixing my hair. After a few days of that, I felt ready to shine my sink and things have just gone up from there.
I have not had a bout of depression in almost two years and haven’t needed my meds in over a year. I would never suggest anyone just give up their meds. I still have mine because I don’t want to go to the bad place again and not have some back-up, but I haven’t had that happen yet.
I love my job and I make sure I laugh every day (even if it is just at myself) I still get dressed to the shoes (hair and make-up) every day.
When I first started, everyone pointed out how great I looked. No one does that anymore because now I look good every day, but you know what? It doesn’t matter because I have learned that I am not dressing myself for THEM.
I am dressing up for ME. When I look good, I feel good. And when I feel good, I can do ANYTHING…even fight back depression.
I have learned so much from my experience with FlyLady.
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