Morning Musing: It’s Not about My Birthday!

Dear Friends,

For our anniversary a few years ago we got each other satellite TV. We had an antenna that could only receive five channels. We have been watching a lot of science, history and geek programs. We both love these kinds of programs. The science channel has had shows about super volcanoes, mega earthquakes and earth’s molten core. Each show told us how the earth as we know it could be destroyed by one of the cataclysmic occurrences.

Let me just say, I have been yelling at the TV a lot lately. Especially with the Earth’s core cooling down and dying. From the time any of us are born we start to die. We don’t know when that death day will happen but it is inevitable.

Yesterday was my 61st birthday and this has had me thinking about “not so much about the day I was born” but about what happens to the people I love after I am gone and what can I do today to make things easier on them. These people I am talking about are you! So this morning it kind of all came together in this essay; Not my birthday but my death day.

Some people may have a fear of flying in a plane; my fear or shall I say determination is not about dying but about what I leave behind. From the time I started to mentor people this has been on my mind. I have wanted to develop a program that would continue to mentor you even after I was gone, along with all the members who have not found out about FLYing yet and are still living in CHAOS.

So this morning I got up bright and early for a radio interview. I had a couple of hours to think about why I was put on this Earth. This process didn’t start today or last year. I began cleaning house so to speak in 1990.

I would have never known what my legacy in dying was, if I had not found out my purpose for living. In the quiet of my morning I was able to hear the words that I have repeated over and over since 1990. “I LOVE MYSELF”

Those words helped me to clear out the clutter in my brain. You all know the clutter I am talking about; the constant bombardment from those voices in your head telling you to do this, that and the other thing all at the same time. No wonder we run around and never accomplish anything. We are trying to do it all at once. I was so used to the constant chaos in my head that I did not know how to clear out the mixed convoluted messages in my brain. I also had chaos and clutter all around me. When we have so much going on in our heads we don’t even notice the noise and other pollution that is steadily killing us.

In 1990 I needed to clear my head. I was going through a divorce and was beaten down to the point of major depression and feeling suicidal. The messages in my head were not nice. They continued to beat me up. I decided that it was time to eliminate that clutter from my brain. To do this I had to replace those negative messages with kind words, slow down my thinking process and get comfortable living in my own skin. Part of the process was to change my environment. I turned off the TV and only listened to calm glorious music. I quit listening to the news. At the time I didn’t have a handle on the physical clutter and mess around me, well maybe I did because I moved out and only took my car, my stereo and my goose down comforter. Having fewer things around me did help; I can see this now but that didn’t stop me from accumulating all those things again and again. Was there an emptiness that I was trying to fill with belongings? Hindsight is 20/20!

I did do one very important thing at this time. I started to meditate in order to relieve the stress in my life. It was strictly for distressing my brain. I needed to slow down my thoughts. I was so busy in my head that it was making me sick and tired. My meditation teacher wanted me to have some kind of mantra to say over and over as I slowed down my breathing. I didn’t want to say words that I could not understand. I didn’t even want to know what they were. It would have only been more clutter for my brain. This is when I decided on my very own mantra.

All I ever wanted was to feel loved. I didn’t even care if my son’s father really loved me or not. I just wanted to feel loved. I decided that if no one else was going to make me feel loved then I was going to have to make myself feel it. Well that is pretty hard to do when you do not feel worthy of being loved because you have been beaten down your whole life. As Rita Davenport taught me, I began to fake it till you make it. I picked my very own mantra. I want you to try this with me. I will never forget the first time I did this. It felt so strange.

I want you to slowly take in a breath through your nose. As you do, in your mind I want you to say these words; “I L-O-V-E; now slowly exhale through your mouth; M-Y-S-E-L-F. I want you do to this over and over for only a few minutes the first time. Eventually you can work up to about 15-minutes. Even just 5 minutes has an amazing result on your body. The act of doing this is loving yourself.

As I would say these words over and over my body would begin to feel relaxed. I was focused on my breathing and any thoughts that came into my head other than the breathing were gently deleted and I came back to my breathing. You can catch your mind getting sidedtracked when you do this. It is good practice for when we are not meditating. Now don’t beat yourself up because you can’t stop the other thoughts. There is no wrong way. It is just about relaxing and slowing your brain down so that you can actually hear yourself for the first time.

One rather inspirational thing happened while I was practicing my breathing and loving myself. I started to know what I needed to do. The God Breezes began to flow.  I knew when to put my sails up and allow those Breezes to guide me to where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t have to dissect it; I just knew. I didn’t have to be in control; I was on automatic pilot and my instincts were being uncovered after years of having them cluttered with the debris of a chaotic life.

Loving myself is my legacy. When I cleaned house; body and home, I found what my legacy was! The body is the home of the soul and the house is the home for the body. When you start clearing out one the other comes right along for the ride. When you come to FlyLady.net, you are looking for a way to get your home in order. You never dream that you are going to learn to FLY (Finally Loving Yourself).

FLYing is the legacy I leave with you. It will bless you and your family for generations to come. Since the New Year we have been clearing out the clutter from our physical homes. This is just the starting place. As each layer of clutter is released we continue to find other bastions of clutter that have been hidden by years of chaotic practices.

This is one of the reasons that Leanne and I wrote Body Clutter. If we can help you clear out the negative voices that have been beating you up your whole life then we have helped you to find your legacy. I hope and pray that you can put your sails up and join us on our journey.

From the day we are born till the day we die this journey is one of loving ourselves so that we can love others. It is love that makes the world go round!

I leave you with my birthday wish for you! I want you to FLY! It is the best gift I have ever given myself. With this gift I was able to find my purpose for living. If my death day were to happen today; I know that I am doing what God put me here to do. Without the calm and peaceful surrounding on the outside I would not have been able to find peace on my inside.

Are You Ready to FLY?

FlyLady

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