Our Perfectionism Hurts Others

Dear Friends,

In our perfectionism we try to fix things for everyone. I have been a fixer all my life. Most of us are like this. It is who we are, but we have to realize that this trait is not good for us.

Here is what happens. We take on the problems of the world. They can be such tiny problems but when you take on all of them, they weigh you down and keep you from FLYing. All we can really do is effect change in ourselves. The sooner we step out of this virtual reality then the faster we are going to take flight!

Have you ever noticed that when you are carrying the burdens of everyone around you that you catch a cold? I don’t quite understand it but here is what I think happens. Worry takes a lot out of us. My grandmother was a worrier. You may not think that it takes any energy to worry but it does; it robs your body of fuel. If you are in a continual worried state or even a plotting state then you are using a lot of adrenaline.

This adrenaline pumping through your veins is keeping you hyped up. This is the same powerful fuel that allows a tiny woman to pick a car up to free a child. When we use it every day it has a way of turning on our bodies. It causes our immune systems to break down and we get sick.

In our perfectionism virtual reality we think we can fix anything. The truth is that we probably can but are we really helping when we do this. Not only does it play havoc with our bodies but it keeps the other person you are trying to fix stuck in their own virtual reality. Think about this for a minute. When you give a man a fish; he will eat for a day. But when you can teach him to fish for himself; he will eat for a lifetime. This is all about learning a new skill.

We need to learn the new skill of letting go of things that we have no control over. The only control we have is over our own thoughts and actions. Just because we can fix something does not mean we have to fix it.

Our perfectionism plays havoc with your children’s lives. Let me give you an example of a young woman. Her parents divorced when she was a baby. She was raised by her father and her step-mother. Her step-mother was BO and had no patience to teach her anything. This Flybaby also had the same issues we have with ADD. It was just easier for this stepmom to do it herself.

As a result this FlyBaby lacked even the simplest of skills when it comes to house cleaning. When she was old enough to get her first job; it was in a restaurant being a hostess. She was told that part of her duties were to keep the foyer swept. They handed her a broom and she did not know what to do with it. She was laughed at and ridiculed because she had no skills when it came to sweeping. She came home crying to her real mom that it was a disservice for children to not be taught these things.

Her real mom just cleans in routines and things get done. When this FlyBaby would come to visit everything was always neat and tidy and they played all the time. When she finally came to live with her mom at age 16; her main focus was helping her daughter learn study skills to assist with her learning disability. They worked so hard on getting her grades up that there was never an opportunity for a teaching moment when it came to house cleaning.

Our children are like that butterfly that struggles to get out of the cocoon. If we don’t allow them to struggle and pump their life blood into their wings then they are not ever going to FLY. They will not be able to accomplish their passions. When you don’t live your dreams you die. We can’t do this to them any longer. We have to give them skills.

Let go of your perfectionism virtual reality of being the fix-it person. You don’t have to do everything. You can be a mentor and a teacher but you can’t be the rescuer. This is a hard lesson for me too.

Are you ready to FLY above your perfectionism?

FlyLady

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