Sunday morning I was reminded of the anger that many of you suffer with. The anger was directed at me and our simple system. I would be happy to take the brunt of your anger if it would change your situation. Festering in anger only perpetuates the problems. We have to stop the whining and focus on what we can do, not what we can’t. My grandmother always said, “Can’t never could do anything!” She was so right! When we focus on the negative we stay prisoner to its ploys. I learned last week in my studies that when we get angry we are giving power to the evil one. I will not do that. Focus on what you can do! Set your timer for 2 minutes and focus on one small area.
When many of you joined our group; you were looking for help as a last resort! Everything was closing in on you and you felt as if your home was getting ready to explode! That explosive force you were feeling was not necessarily your home, but you!
People join for lots of reasons; to learn how to fix their husband or wife (not at all what we do), manipulate your children (ain’t goin’ to happen here) or have a place to whine and blame others (and you all know how I feel about whining)! The anger that some of you have felt and are feeling now is not good for you!
Here is why! Anger has a way of eating at you and it really only scratches the surface toward the person you are angry with. If the truth be told and we never like to hear the truth; you are really angry with yourself and just trying to put the blame on your spouse or children. Now don’t email complaining that I have no clue how much they can mess up; because I have seen others deal with this problem and find success at setting the example for them and before you know it; they are picking up after themselves.
So what is your problem? YOU ARE STILL PLAYING THE MARTYR ROLL! And no one loves a martyr! Not even you! I am not about to hold your hand and say there there! It will be OK, because it is not! unless you get off your Franny and do something to get rid of your martyrdom and anger toward your family!
Yes I am tough! I have never pretended to be anything else! But I am this way because you need an attitude adjustment! Your anger is pushing your family further and further away from you and if you don’t stop this behavior you are going to be a bitter old person with no one! And do you want to know something else! YOUR HOME WILL STILL BE MESSY! All because you never learned the most important lesson I am trying to teach you!
You should bless your home for you! Not for your kids, husband or wife! But YOU! You deserve to live in a home that is comfortable and inviting! NO WHINING HERE EITHER!
You married your husband or wife because you loved him! You did not have your babies to be slaves in your home! Hold your horses here! NO WHINING ALLOWED! Finish reading this before you blast off an email! It is your responsibility to teach your children respect and love; if they see none of this from you, how are they ever going to learn it!
Just look at the example you have been setting for them; whiny, anger, ugly hurtful words. No wonder no one wants to be around you! You have become an ogre. Your family is walking on eggshells around you and they run to keep from making you mad! Is this anyway to live and treat your family! Do you want to know why you are doing this?
It is all because you don’t love yourself enough to stop! YOU are constantly blaming others and not taking responsibilities for your own actions! If you will look around the room you will see your stuff every where too! I can hear the words coming out of your mouth now, “but I am going to get back to that in a bit!” So how long has it been there anyway! 6 months! A year! When we don’t pick up after ourselves we tell the rest of the family that it is OK to leave things lying around! Mom doesn’t mind she does it all the time. You may not say the words, but they are coming through loud and clear! It is only when you set the example and quit trying to preach what you are not practicing that your family will begin to take notice and start helping!
Let’s look at our bedrooms! Is your bed made! Did you harp on your children about making theirs this morning and ……….. So how can you do this! You have absolutely no credibility! But look what happens if you make your bed. Your babies will start to imitate you. And guess what! If you will let go of your perfectionism; it will look just right! Don’t burst their bubble by having to redo it for them. Let them be proud of themselves. Let them help you in your room. It is going to be hard to stop them because if you do this for you they are going to be seeing the joy in your face as you bless your bedroom by making your bed! Now I am in great big purple puddles!(tears) I have tried every way in the world to get this across to you! Holding your hand just doesn’t do it! Because you will continue to refocus the blame! It is up to you! I didn’t make the rules either! As women we may not like it, but guess what we wouldn’t want it any other way either! So accept your responsibility for setting the tone in your home and just quit whining about it! NO SULKING or POUTING either! That is whining without spoken words.
In the south we say, “If momma ain’t happy; ain’t nobody happy!” and I am going to add something new to this phrase! I am the only one who can truly make ME Happy! When you realize this you will be FLYing!
Bless your home for you! Quit blaming others and set the example in love; you will see a remarkable change in your attitude and the attitudes of everyone in your home!
I love you all, but I won’t coddle you!
I know you don’t believe me, so read this from a 17 year old girl!
I am the 17 year-old daughter of one of your Flybabies. When my mother first joined your group she told us that it was something she was doing to try to get the house in order, we didn’t have to do it at all. I thought Okay that’s cool, I don’t have to clean.
Lately, however, I’ve noticed some strange behavior on my part. I used to be able to go into the Kitchen and make a snack, ignoring the state of everything. Now, it seems, I am compelled to clean parts of the kitchen as I am making my snack; I have not been told to clean it while I’m out there, it just happens. I also have a similar problem with the microwave (In fact it is calling for me to clean it as I sit here typing).
Since the piles of stuff have started disappearing, frankly, I find that I can’t ignore clutter and just work around it anymore, I have to clean it up before I can concentrate. Please understand that before my Mother became a FlyBaby, I would just push stuff aside to clear a space big enough to work, or just work on top of the junk.
I remember hearing something about leading by example and thought “Yeah, sure, like I’m going to voluntarily clean just because Mum is cleaning”. Darn if it isn’t true though.
Shocked and Amazed Daughter of a FlyBaby.
FlyLady here: Do you need a reminder to nip your whining in the bud? We have a NO WHINING SIGN for you to post on your refrigerator.