Sometimes when I sleep things come to me. Robert has a name for Him; the Midnight Editor. I like to think of them as God Breezes while the crew is resting. This morning I was awaken by today’s morning musing title: Final touches.
As FlyBabies we are famous or shall I say infamous because we have never finished anything in our lives. I think that we become discouraged by the fact that laundry is never done and the dishes are an endless proposition. Not to mention the toys that always need picking up. We would love to see the house clean all at once and stay that way, but let’s face it! It ain’t gonna happen! Our perfectionism is what wants to see it all completely finished and if we don’t have time to do it all we just give up! So it continues to pile up and make us feel even worse! This bad feeling radiates though your home by the sound of your yelling disapproving voice! I want you to stop this right now! You set the tone for your home literally. If you are yelling and angry the rest of the family is going to follow your lead. That is enough to drive anyone crazy!
So to distract ourselves from the house that always needs cleaning, we start a project! We think that this is going to make us feel better but what it really does is start another level of guilt. We have such high ideals and we are really good at running with them, but they never get finished. Our problem is that we don’t know how to break a task into doable parts. With our all or nothing thinking; we go buy the necessary items and then we plan and play and never get down to the step by step work that is needed to complete the project.
My Sweetie calls this Project Mode. It is amazing to watch him with this way of thinking. He commits to doing one thing on the project each day. Now that he is retired he works very hard at staying busy each day. When he gets in Project Mode he does not let his other work fall by the wayside. His goal is to spend at least five minutes, but it is something! One time he built me a wall of shelves that you could lay on by going into project mode. Every day he celebrates because he has accomplished his goal of doing one thing; he does not beat himself up because he has not finished it YET! He just plods right along, one babystep at a time! Eventually all those babysteps arrive at the end of the project and he will call me downstairs to see his work of art! He actually knows when he has finished. I can’t even imagine that feeling!
I have started so many projects and some of you have been the recipient of them. Before I became FlyLady, I thought I wanted to be a quilter. Oh, I could start them, design them, cut them out, but I hated the sewing part! As a result I had two bags of quilt pieces and no quilt. One day after I became FlyLady, I was writing an essay with the word guilt in it and every time I wrote guilt it came out quilt.
At first I laughed, but I guess it was a Freudian slip of the tongue. Those unfinished quilts were weighing heavy on me. I had to dispose of them and not feel guilty about the money I had spend on the fabric or the time I had wasted on the design or cutting it out. So I hid them under the basement staircase. Hey out of sight out of mind. NOPE it doesn’t work that way, because even the bags they were in reminded me of my quilty little secret! There I did it again. Now I have puddles (tears)rolling down my face! I didn’t mean to do that. I got rid of those bags just before Christmas when a dear sweet woman from Ohio took my quilt and guilt away! Those quilt pieces are going to be used to keep someone warm! They are never going to make me feel bad again.
Guilt eats away at our self love! It tells us we are not worthy because we can’t finish anything. Well I am standing up to this guilt once and for all! You are not going to beat me down anymore! I have a higher calling. I may not be the one to make the quilt, but I can motivate you just a little every day to quit procrastinating about your unfinished projects or give them to someone that will. Release the quilt/guilt and find what your purpose in life! I finally know what I want to be when I grow up!
We can finish things; we ice cakes and put away laundry! Dishes get washed and toys get picked up! We are blessing our home with final touches all the time, we just never knew it because we enjoy beating ourselves up!
Sometimes our goals are too broad. We work very hard to accomplish them with our all or nothing thinking. Then one day we just give up. We just can’t seem to put those final touches on the project.
Are you ready to FLY without the guilt of unfinished projects holding you down? I am not telling you that you have to finish them either! Just let them go! Boogie your way down the runway and you will find yourself FLYing just the same!
You deserve a hug. I am so proud of you for letting them go or for finishing them!
P.S. If you let go of an unfinished project or finished one, I want to hear about it. Send me an email to FlyLady@flylady.net with FINAL TOUCH in the subject line.
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