I was just feeling a bit discouraged. I’ve heard you talk about our own perfectionism, and I’m learning slowly to deal with mine. My question is how do I deal with my DH’s perfectionism. I do a home blessing, vacuuming the traffic areas and I get, “If you can’t vacuum right, why bother? You missed next to the baseboards. That’s part of the job! Do the whole thing.” It just takes the wind right out of my sails. He’s a perfectionist about everything, and if I don’t meet up to his standards, he has to let me know. It’s not like he quietly goes behind me and redoes it. He wants me to be him. He is a BO, born of a BO, so I guess he’s trying to make me his mother. She doesn’t necessarily clean everything, but everything is in its place so you don’t really see the dirt.
So, how do I deal with HIS perfectionism?
Fluttering in IL
Dear Fluttering in IL,
This is called Weekly Home Blessing”. If you tried to vacuum the baseboards then what would you do when our weekly mission came out. This is why we just get the middles. Vacuuming all the way to the baseboards takes too long, that’s why you don’t vacuum back there every time. With FlyLady it will be done more than once in a Blue Moon!
Now if he has a problem with you only doing the middles, if it bothers him that much, then tell him he is welcome to do it his way. It won’t hurt your feelings. Tell him that you will do it when we are in that zone and we send out the mission.
His perfectionism is not something you are going to change. So the sooner you quit letting his words hurt you; and show him that you have a system that is helping, the better. Then maybe he will come around; but don’t bet on it. You have to do this for you and not for him!
So does he know where you keep the vacuum cleaner?
Here is another thought. Have you put together your Control Journal or shall we call it for him (Home Maintenance Control Journal). It looks really good to someone who is Born Organized. It shows that you have an instruction manual for keeping house. This might shut him up!
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