Growing Up with Two Perfectionists

FlyLady here: This testimonial brought tears to my eyes this morning. It is worth the read. I am so proud of her. She shows us how perfectionism has caused our issues.  

Dear FlyLady,

I just want to take a moment to say a big THANK YOU for teaching me how to make a house a home.

Growing up, I went back and forth between two homes, each with a perfectionist at the helm. One perfectionist was so on-point that I rarely was allowed to help (because no one else could “do it right”) and subsequently I learned very little about how to do simple tasks or keep peaceful order in the home…but it was always spotless! I just learned how to stay out of the way.

The other perfectionist was paralyzed by her perfectionism and never even took out the garbage. When I tried, I was criticized. I rarely could have a friend over (2 times ever between the ages of 9 and 18, when a couple rooms were passable,) and learned that apathy was supposedly relaxing. I had (and still have to fight against) a terrible case of doorbell-dread.

I found it hard to strike a balance once I was out on my own. I learned of you at a weeknight Bible study meeting in 2003. While most of us were sitting around lamenting how tough it was to get dinner done and get out the door to the meeting, one member said quietly, “FlyLady.” Our interest was piqued!

Since then, for 15 years, I have been baby stepping and living the routines off and on, mostly on, through 2 babies, 2 dogs, 2 moves, 1 divorce, 4 job changes, 4 years back-to-school as an adult student while still working and single-mommying 2 elementary school-aged children.

Your method is so adaptable, it has worked, whether I’m working not-at-all, part-time while being a part-time student, and now full-time.

Your calendar has helped keep me sane through it all, fitting in work shifts, school classes, assignment due dates, kids’ activities and school activities, fundraiser due dates, library due dates, doctor/dentist/vet appointments, you name it. No other calendar has room for it all! I also like that I have to go home and check the calendar before I make any off-handed commitments without thinking them through. And who doesn’t love stickers?!

As a nurse now, I work three 12-hour shifts a week which includes every other weekend. My morning and bedtime routines are my saving grace, and my co-workers marvel that I have time to pack lunch- usually leftovers from my meal-planning, which I learned from you.

I also love your YouTube videos, especially the cooking ones because only very rarely was I allowed to help in the kitchen and I’m a visual learner, so they help me a lot.

Since my work schedule varies so much week-to-week, I fit the tasks of the weekly home blessing hour and daily missions and schedule (anti-procrastination day, errand day, Friday=clean car boogie day, etc.) into 3 of my days off. Your tools honestly make those tasks get done faster. I love using your timer instead of my phone, because that way, I don’t get so distracted by any cell phone notifications. I was skeptical about the toilet brush, but I got one and it works so great and doesn’t rust like wire ones do, (and fits into the toilet brush stand that came with the wire ones from the store!) so I’m going to order a second for my second bathroom. The microfiber rags are the best thing out there; they make getting dust off my car dashboard a breeze and work wonders on my glasstop stove.

I know someone recently told you that it is negative to say “housework done incorrectly still blesses your family.” But for me, it’s positive and motivational. I honestly have repeated it to myself for years. The baby steps started slowly, and I’m still far from mastering it, but I marvel at how far I’ve come. Progress is progress, no matter how slow.

Since my 4th day off is relax/renew my spirit day, which for me is today, it renews my spirit to tell you thank you. With your help, I keep the peace and I’m teaching my boys by example, without nagging, whining, or yelling. God bless you for showing me how to bless my family.

Flying in Maryland

FlyLady here: Christmas will be here before we know it! Think about giving clutter-free gifts! My favorite consumable gift is our FlyLady Calendar!

CalendarpackframedYoung people love it and our parents love it! You can see it from across the room.

Use our stickers to make it fun and informative. We have kid stickers and adult stickers.


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