That Martyred Feeling

NoWhiningSignDear FlyLady,

How do you get past the Martyr feelings?

I get everything, I honestly do and I’m striving to apply them to my daily life. But sometimes during “Weekly Home Blessing” I get frustrated with my family when they are doing things they like to do and I’m “working”.

The little angry brat starts to throw a fit and then NOTHING gets done.

Then I start beating myself up because I’m feeling like a Martyr and telling myself that “housework blesses my family” and it does not take that long. If I invite them to help me they will all disappear (3 teenagers) – then I get even more angry – then I beat myself up even more because I know I shouldn’t feel this way!!!!

So what is your strategy to get past that Initial Martyr feeling???

Thanks so much!

Cindy in Iowa


Dear Cindy,

In the words of Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” It doesn’t sound like it is.

You are the one who joined FlyLady; not your children. When they see you taking care of your home because you are doing it out of love; you will see a change in those teenagers.

I want you to stop doing Weekly Home Blessing all in one day in one hour. I want you to do one blessing each day. You will also have to let go of that perfectionist that wants to see everything done at once.

You are going to be surprised at the changes that can happen in your home if you will drop the martyred attitude and replace it with love.

Cleaning house is not a game in which you keep score! You are the mother. Children; even teenage children will respond to incentives not retribution. The reason you can’t get your children to help is because cleaning house has never been a big deal before. Now that you have become a FlyBaby you may have become a crazy cleaning banshee too. Do not allow yourself to do this.


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