What is FLYWashing?

Dear FlyLady, updd_2002

Please, I often hear this term ‘FlyWashing.’ What do you mean exactly by this – I’ve got a clue, but perhaps my ‘p’-word thing is still telling me it can be true and it can’t work like that.

Many thanks,
Barbs – trying to buzz

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Dear Barbs,

I know that we have all had to deal with negative thinking that attacks us at our every wrong move. Yesterday I started this line of thought. Now I think I have to address the ones that we hear most often and come up with ways to delete them from our minds. I have told you many times that our group is not just about house cleaning. We serve to build you up and so you can learn to FLY on your own. The process of building starts with a bit of excavation. We have to get rid of the old undesirable habits and replace them with new uplifting behaviors so you will feel the freedom to FLY farther than you ever dreamed.

Just like getting rid of the clutter in our homes, we have to toss out the clutter in our heads. This clutter comes from years of being beaten down. We have heard these words from caring people in our lives. They meant well, but they just didn’t know how to say things without pulling you down in the process. We have also heard these words from people that wanted to hurt us; Husbands that said we were lazy, stupid or just plain crazy. Friends, teachers and parents, all in the name of love, have discouraged us. Their words hurt us more than we ever dreamed. After a while, we begin to believe the negative message that they were sending. They told us we were less than perfect and that was not acceptable. So you were rejected in heart and dejected spirit. How sad that we have been treated this way, by caring people and by not so caring people.

Now you want to know how you can change this stinking thinking. It is very simple. Now that you know what nasty things you say to yourself, you can stop saying them. In the 1980s, I listen to some cassette tapes by Rita Davenport. She was the first person to bring this to my attention that I reinforce negative behavior with negative affirmations. Oh, I so lazy or stupid. What she taught me was that every time I had one of the nasty negative thoughts that I was to say cancel and replace it with a positive affirmation.

So when you hear those words come into your brain. Stop and say cancel: and turn the thought around to replace it with positive words. To replace, “you are just stupid” say I am a wise woman and I can find the answer. To replace lazy thoughts, say I have had my break and I am ready to get to work.

Don’t berate yourself when things go wrong. Learn through self-talk to build yourself up. If you have ways of inspiring yourself with words of self-praise, please share them with me so I can pass them along. It is time that we all put the negative words out to pasture. One other thing you will find that when you don’t allow yourself to say nasty things in your head, you are less likely to take it from other people. Rita also taught me that when someone is telling you about your faults, that when they are finished to remind them that now you need to hear something good, so that you can feel better about yourself. This in effect is what we are doing when we cancel the bad messages and replace them with good ones.

There is one other benefit to changing your negative way of thinking toward yourself, you will be less likely to say the same things that have been said to you, to your babies. In other words, you are breaking the cycle of mental abuse.

As we learn new ways of thinking we will change our way of doing. This will make a difference your life and the lives of those around you. Many of you have called our messages, testimonials and reminders a form of brainwashing. I like to think of them as FLYwashing. If you hear it enough then eventually it will sink in. You know how you feel about your Shiny Sink! Just wait till you have FLYwashed your mind and spirit.

Are you ready to FLY? This is why we have recorded our books and music. I wanted do give you the tools to FlyWash yourself, like I did in the 80s. Hearing someone else’s voice can replace the negativity that is hurting you. You will feel empowered!

FlyLady

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