Thanksgiving SHE Shouldn’ts

turkey_with_hatI know you all are busy, but I want you to remember to take breaks and laugh a little.

FlyLady Michele spent the morning collecting and compiling your SHE Shouldn’ts. She would kill me if I posted the selfie that she took after reading them. Her face was streaked with mascara from laughing so hard.

Be sure and go to the bathroom first!

 

SHE’S shouldn’t wait until the last minute to bake Thanksgiving Pies to take to dinner. When taking them outside to cool faster, they will undoubtedly fall from the baking tray, upside down on the deck.

SHE’S shouldn’t go grocery shopping without first checking that there is actually a blank check in the checkbook.

SHE’S shouldn’t preheat ovens because we forget that we have stashed the mail in there, a hidden birthday cake, or pizza box. It is not fun to see flames coming out your oven door.

SHE’S shouldn’t bake cookies without a timer! Blackened Cookies are not a Cajun delicacy.

SHE’S shouldn’t have had a Thanksgiving tradition which has been a family joke for
years, and that has to do with the turkey.  After Thanksgiving dinner, I would cut, pull and yank most of the remaining turkey off the bones, and then I would put the carcass in a big soup pot with seasonings and boil it gently to make turkey soup.  After boiling, I would put the hot pot of soup out on the deck to cool — and it would cool until SPRING! That’s right — I never actually got around to finishing the soup.  This tradition has gone on for years and years.

SHE’S shouldn’t ever second guess the wisdom of her parents when they offer to stay at a hotel for their visit.  In fact, a SHE should get down on her knees and be THANKFUL to the Lord above that she has such wise parents.  SHEs should NOT feel it necessary to be Martha Stewart and have a beautifully decorated guest room for said parents.  SHEs should not re-arrange five children to be sharing rooms and bathrooms to make room for children’s loving grandparents.  SHEs should realize that said situation will make children irritable, tired and grumpy for the duration of Grandma and Grandpa’s visit, which will be long and burdensome with irritable children and Grandma and Grandpa there 24/7.

SHE’S should absolutely understand that parents were in the same situation many years ago, and understand the complexity of families.  SHE’s should appreciate that Grandma and Grandpa arrive and leave at a respectable time.

SHE’S shouldn’t spray the oven with oven cleaner THE NIGHT BEFORE the big day, and let it set to wipe off the next morning, because SHE will forget to wipe the oven, and will proceed to put the turkey, side dishes, rolls, and pies in the oven. By the time the fumes stink up the house and remind her that SHE forgot to wipe the oven, oven cleaner and dirt will have dripped all over the food, making it inedible, and SHE will end up making bacon, eggs & pancakes for a cold and rainy, al fresco (because the house still stinks of oven cleaner) dinner, which SHE has to buy at the convenience store because SHE doesn’t have any on hand, therefore spending twice as much as SHE would have at the grocery store. Certain relatives suggested that next year, the only thing SHE should make for dinner is reservations.

SHE’S shouldn’t ignore warning labels…………
Thanksgiving turkey was abandoned to fridge in favor of another invitation, so needing to cook it, invited one (adventurous) guest to share impromptu Thanksgiving menu.  Hostess ignores dire warning on turkey roasting bag instructions and lifts turkey over stove to drain out already-separated turkey juices into gravy pan.  Whoops!  Bag breaks, turkey splashes down and sends a tsunami of grease over cook and kitchen, while stunned guest watches.  Thankfully, the turkey wasn’t boiling hot or it would have been a true emergency.  Guest inquired as to my health, and Dear Husband rescued me and the turkey.  Kind man served plates from the kitchen so to avoid carving the dismembered beast in public.  Also spent an hour on his knees pulling out the stove and de-greasing the kitchen later. (Note to self: I love this man!  Reward him prodigiously!  Also, guest, if ever seen again, is a true friend for life.)

SHE’S should Never leave the Kitchen when running water into the stoppered sink!  Although, I might get new carpet out of this one.

SHE’S shouldn’t skip doing her before bed routine in which she has to take important medicine, or she may find she has another baby on the way!

SHE’S shouldn’t leave the kitchen with eggs on boiling.  I was making some hard boiled eggs.  My method calls for putting the eggs in cold water, bringing to a boil for about 1 minute, then turning off the heat, covering the pan and letting it sit for about 15 minutes.  I put the eggs in the water, turned it on and went into another room for some reason I cannot remember now.  Needless to say I got sidetracked and did not get back to the kitchen until there was a burning smell and a popping sound.  The eggs had boiled dry and exploded all over my kitchen!  I kept finding pieces of eggshell and rubber eggs for days after, even though I thought I thoroughly cleaned it up.  Oh, and the pan had to be thrown out.  Lesson learned.

SHE’S should never go to the store (any store) without a detailed shopping list.  Otherwise, she will come home WITHOUT whatever she meant to get in the first place, and WITH all kinds of stuff she doesn’t need

Maybe SHE SHOULDN’T have assumed her DH had enough sense to plug the overflow hole in the bathroom sink before he took a toilet plunger to the sluggish drain, unless she really wanted to scrub black gooey gunk off the ceiling, walls, lights, mirror, countertop, and floor one hour before Thanksgiving guests arrived.  Don’t ask me how I know this.

SHE’S shouldn’t put fireplace ashes into a cardboard box.

SHE’S shouldn’t drink a glass of wine while making dinner… Otherwise she may find the Turkey still raw after being in the oven that she forgot to lite!

SHE’S shouldn’t preheat the oven BEFORE looking inside only to find 20 minutes later when opening the oven door  to put in whatever I was cooking and found a half melted plastic sippy cup dripping off the rack which I had hidden from my son and forgotten about.

SHE’S shouldn’t leave the outside grill on to “burn off” the left behind Turkey gunk, lest she go out the next time and realize that she has burned  off a WHOLE bottle of propane!!!!

SHE’S shouldn’t use Pledge on their wood floors!

SHE’S shouldn’t let the turkey thaw in the sink and go to work, leaving her naughty NAUGHTY cat to GNAW at the turkey all day…

SHE’S shouldn’t worry about spending money for a coffee table or dining table centerpiece. Let the children gather leaves and seed pods outside and make a basket full; make pinecone turkeys with their hands cut out of colored paper for tails; baskets of fruits and nuts; Easy things the kids (or you!) can do that don’t cost alot of money. Almost everyone has a basket or two lying around, and fruits and nuts can be a welcome addition to your holiday meal.

SHE’S Shouldn’t Ever do any of the following :

1. Cook the turkey not only with a plastic bag containing giblets in the bird … She shouldn’t cook the yucky plastic / paper towel thing that is underneath the bird.

2. Cook the turkey and then go to carve it and realize 1/2 of the plastic bag it came with is melted now onto the bottom of the bird.

3. Check the temp of the bird with a instant read (led) plastic top thermometer and leave it in the turkey for an additional hour only to pull it out and have a giant black chunk of melted plastic and battery bits fused to the otherwise beautiful turkey.

4. SHE’S should never leave a bulb type plastic baster in the same pan she is roasting the turkey in and after breathing a giant sigh of relief that the guests won’t see that mess, serve the turkey and discover in front of 20 guests (while it is being carved) that not only did the baster end up roasting, so did the very large spoon used to stuff the turkey (also plastic) get left inside the bird to roast as well.

Finally and perhaps one of the biggest things SHE’S shouldn’t do, is to offer a guest from another country that HAS NEVER seen a turkey and who without her knowing has consumed a LARGE quantity of expensive wine purchased for the occasion, the “honor” of carving the turkey and have said guest happily agree and “carve” the bird in the kitchen while she is busy getting everything else table ready and not paying attention to what said guest is doing.
IF she does this, not only will the other 40+ guests not have a drop of said festive wine BUT when said guest proudly brings out his “carved” bird she will have to look on in complete horror and listening to a collective gasp from the other guests as the majestic bird arrives in chunks, bits and pieces having been completely and thoroughly “carved” by said guest by boning the bird (no knife used – just fingers) and not served on a platter but in a giant plastic storage bowl and complete with the bones as well!

SHE’S shouldn’t decide to store the extra package of rolls in the oven….Then preheat the oven for the Turkey without checking to see if the oven is empty!!!
Melted plastic messes up the taste of rolls!!

SHE’S shouldn’t use the self-cleaning oven this week. Apparently it puts a lot of extra stress on the oven and may cause it to go out. None of us want to be hunting down a repairman on Thanksgiving Day!

SHE’S should always dust the ceiling fan before she turns it on or the speed up while serving Holiday dinner……….And that’s when the embarrassment started.

And for those traveling this year….
SHE’S shouldn’t put a travel mug (or anything else) on the roof of the car.  Ever.

SHE’S shouldn’t leave keys in the car when pumping gas (that one inconvenienced a long line of drivers.)

SHE’S should never drive off from any location without double checking that everyone is securely seated in their seatbelts, even if a SHE didn’t remember getting in the car with anyone in the first place.

And the number one SHE SHOULDN’T……………SHE’S Should never, ever, text and drive.  Please be safe this entire Holiday season.

FlyLady.net: Helping women around the world get their home organized. Copyright 2001 - 2016 FlyLady and Company, Inc.