Column 24 – Getting Help Around the House; by the FlyLady, Marla Cilley

From the beginning of FlyLady, I have always insisted on our main rule: No Whining Allowed!! I don’t believe that I have ever told you the reasons behind this FLY-Decree!

We have all caught ourselves in a whining mode! When was the last time you let those words ooze out of your mouth? This morning!!!

Why do people feel the need to whine? Let’s explore this for a bit!

Frustration: The house is getting on your nerves! People seem to be piling on your workload. You don’t feel like you are accomplishing anything. So you just have to let out this frustration so the world knows that you are being mistreated. Think about this for a minute. This is a cry for help, but you don’t know how to ask for it. You are feeling sorry for yourself too. You want someone to listen, but that is not happening, because let’s face it, no one hears a whiner. This is also a martyred attitude rearing its ugly head.

Depression: The pressure of the house, your schedule and the things left undone are slowly digging your grave. The whine is another cry for help: Even if it is unproductive. You have never been taught any other way to seek help. I want to help you change this fruitless behavior. When you realize how this has no effect on your family, but to tune you out, then you can initiate productive behaviors. It all goes back to being a martyr.

Attention Seeking Behavior: We have all done this; our cries for help fall on barren ears, because we have cried wolf too many times. Just like the little shepherd boy; his cries were ignored because he had been seeking attention. It is only when we give ourselves the attention that we need and we are not searching for outside attention that our requests for help will be answered. I know you don’t believe me, but changing this one characteristic in yourself will change your life. Why do you think I want you to FLY!!

Self-Pity: This one is probably the most destructive, because you act pitiful and unloved. If the truth were known, you are unloved, but it is not by your family, but by yourself. You are not taking care of your own needs first. If you don’t love yourself first, you are unable to love others to fullest extent of your being. This is not being selfish. Who is going to take care of you, if you don’t take care of yourself!

We have all heard Rodney Dangerfield’s famous line; “I get no respect!” The reason he has no respect, is that he does not respect himself. Demand it of yourself and you will not allow disrespect from others. This does not happen overnight. As he whines to his audience, it may seem funny to us at the time, but in real life, our families just turn down the volume. Our whining becomes background noise! Would you like to see their ears perk up!!! I can teach you how to get their attention and it is so easy!!


This is easy. Now that you can see and hear your effects on your family, you can stop yourself from doing this. Now here is the fun part. You can blow them right out of the water by setting an example and doing what needs to be done with a cheerful attitude and out of love for your family. Even if you are not feeling very cheerful at the time: Bite your lip and put a smile on your lovely face, just for the fun of it. The results will reinforce this happy attitude and you will start to feel the inner change in yourself.

When you start FLYing, housework no longer is a chore; something to be dreaded. It becomes a way to bless your family, yourself and your home. I want you to have the peace that I have. This came from my change in attitude toward everyday tasks. Are you ready to FLY?

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS; check out her website and join her free life coaching at or read her books, Sink Reflections published by Bantam and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon & Schuster. Copyright 2016 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication. Helping women around the world get their home organized. Copyright 2001 - 2020 FlyLady and Company, Inc.