Column 6 – Are You in a Juggling Act by The FlyLady, Marla Cilley

We all have a scared little kid living inside of us. We like to think of ourselves as being all grown up; after all our age and our bodies are matured. Somewhere along the way we have felt like we were losing control and we have worked hard at taking control of every area of our lives; only to feel even more out of control.

That scared little kid inside of us is trying so hard to not mess up. We want to show the world that we are good at what we do. We don’t want anyone to not like us, this is why we say “YES” to anyone who asks us to do something. We don’t want to disappoint anyone and most of all we don’t want anyone to know our dirty little secret. That secret is that we are not really in control; we are faking it!

Is this beginning to sound like a juggling act to you? We can keep a few pins in the air for a minute or two and then someone throws us one more thing to juggle. Eventually one after another pin starts to hit the floor. I guess there is always a straw that breaks the camel’s back.

If you will think back in your life; you will see when those pins started coming at you too fast. Maybe your children came close together or a loved one died. You could have started a new job or moved. Eventually something had to fall by the wayside. Most of the time it was you and your home! You didn’t even realize you were neglecting yourself. You just thought you didn’t have time!

That little child in you wants to do it all by herself. She doesn’t want to ask for help! The lack of control she is feeling has her pushing everyone away that could and would help her. Why can’t we do it by ourselves? I think this is the question we have all wanted to know for a long time.

I don’t think it is that we can’t; it is just that it does not come naturally to us. We need to be taught. Since that little child in us does not want to let anyone know she is faking it and doesn’t really know how to do handle everything; she silently beats herself up for not knowing it all! Does that sound like anyone you know?

When you look at the FlyLady cartoon character, you can identify with the different faces that she has. One minute you need a cheerleader, the next minute you may need a fairy Godmother. Then there are times that you need a loving mother figure to lift you up or gently remind you of something you have not done. She is always dressed to shoes with a bright smile on her loving face. You see her wings and know that she can FLY.

You too have many different faces and they are all merged into the real you. The real you wants to be loved and to love! You want to be appreciated and respected! You don’t like being angry and feeling bad. You want to feel happy and enjoy life not just go through the motions keeping all the pins juggling in the air. What you really want is peace! In order to find this peace; you are going to have to make peace with all the different faces you have. The scared little child needs to know that it is going to be fine. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. The rebellious little child needs to know that she is being heard and that housework, exercise and food is not punishment. The happy-go-lucky little child needs to know that she can go out and play. Our lives have many different faces. None of us can go back in time and change our parents, but we can re-parent ourselves with the love that we extend to our children and our grandchildren. Let’s use a kinder voice and help this part of us grow up and quit fighting the adult part of us. When we can embrace with love the parts of us that are scared, looking for love, respect and kindness; we can let go of our need to always be in control or look like we are in control and finally merge our adult and hurt little child into a happy person who is FLYing! Finally Loving Yourself, all parts of you, is the key to making peace with all those faces.

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at or her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon and Schuster. Copyright 2011 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication. Helping women around the world get their home organized. Copyright 2001 - 2020 FlyLady and Company, Inc.