Anger and Perfectionism by The FlyLady, Marla Cilley
When you finally have reached the absolute bottom and you think there is no place to go, there is always two more places. You can give up entirely and be planted six feet under or you can scream out for help and start pulling yourself up! You have a choice. The difference is you have to get mad and scream and not give up.
Anger is not a bad emotion. As women we have been taught to just take it and not explode with anger. Exploding with anger is rage and rage is not OK, but giving yourself permission that you are upset and angry is a good thing and telling the person that you are angry at. When you keep it in it is like poison. So what do we do to ourselves? We turn anger into sad and we feel sorry for ourselves for being mistreated. Then WHAT? The anger goes to sad and then to depression. We eat to make the hurt go away or we sleep to not have to deal with what is!
It is all our perfectionism again sandwiched with that procrastination that paralyzes us into depression. I can see you all shaking your heads at me. "How can perfectionism be the foundation to my feeling bad." Well here is how it all fits together!
When something goes wrong in our lives and we can't fix it; what do we do! We can't fix it to make it right again or we can't change the other person; we want everything back the way it was!! Do you see the perfectionism rearing its ugly head? We do everything in our power to CONTROL THE ISSUES! And make it all better! Only to be shot down time and time again! So if we can't do it right what do we do! We were taught to do nothing!! I wish that was all we would do, but we have to turn it inward to abuse ourselves.
When we are unable to fix things we begin to feel guilty because of our inability to make things right or perfect! We then start to beat ourselves up! It is bad enough when we have been abused by others but now we are abusing the only person that cares for you: YOU!
This is why anger is good! It is focused toward someone else and not yourself. Now it is not good to be angry all the time because you are in fight or flight mode and when you really need to scream out for help you will not be able to. Adrenalin is an amazing body chemical. It is a power surge that supplies the energy right when you need it! This is how a mother can lift a car off of a child. I have said it many times, "Too much of a good thing can be bad for you!" Try eating a whole chocolate cake!
I have a good supply of adrenalin now! At one time I was totally depleted of my resources. I used them all up by always being upset and walking on eggshells. The adrenalin kept me from feeling what was happening inside my own body. It was a drug!
So anger can free you if you use it sparingly! Focus your justified anger toward what is making you angry and not at yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of the situation. Don't turn it inward to punish yourself when you can't fix it! You are not responsible for anyone but you! Let go of the guilt, pain and stress and be good to
yourself by getting angry at the right person! Then let it go and get on with your life! You have a job to do! You may not know what that job is but you choose life too! And if you stick around the breeze will come your way and you will set out on your journey. Life is a journey not a destination.
So what anger have you been turning inward?
For more help getting rid of your CHAOS; check out her website and join her free life coaching at www.FlyLady.net , listen to her channel http://www.blogtalkradio.com/channels/flylady show or read her books, Sink Reflections published by Bantam and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Fireside. Copyright 2009 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.
