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A Perfectionism Review!!
Dear Friends:
You have heard FlyLady and myself talk about our perfectionism and how it really keeps us from getting things done. We are beginning our Cruise through the Holidays this week and it is time for a review on perfectionism.
According to Merriam - Webster the definition of perfectionism is: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
When our new members read about perfectionism they can't believe that we are telling them perfectionism is what truly will keep you in clutter and CHAOS. They think that because their homes and lives are so out of control that there is no way that they can be a perfectionist. They think that if they were a perfectionist they would be living in a perfect house with a perfect life.
Perfectionism is when we decide that we can't do something because we won't have the time to do it "perfectly". This is why FlyLady tells you that "you are never behind - jump in where you are" and that "housework done incorrectly still blesses your family". We can't allow ourselves to get caught up in the thinking that we just don't have time therefore we will do nothing. In all actuality if we spent the amount of time we do worrying and complaining about what we need to do, doing something we would not feel as overwhelmed and behind that we do. The stinking thinking that we just can't do something because we don't have time to do it the "right" way keeps our homes and lives in clutter and CHAOS.
Perfectionism is what keeps us from allowing others to help us when we really could use it. I had a friend that was complaining about her husband not helping around the house. She was telling me that she would give him a list and he was willing to do anything for her but he just couldn't do anything right. She asked him to vacuum and he did. She was really upset that the way he vacuumed was not the way she would have done it - therefore HE was WRONG. This is being a perfectionist. He was never going to vacuum the way she would because he is not her! The kicker is that she was unable to see how fortunate she was because of her perfectionism. She was not able to appreciate that she did have help and he was willing to do anything to help participate in caring for THEIR home, not HER home but theirs. She went on and on about how she HAD to do everything and that she got no help from him and blah blah blah. I finally stopped her and said you can either accept his help and appreciate it or you can do everything yourself. If you choose to do everything yourself you have lost the right to complain about it because you have chosen to do it all. By the way, if you are curious to how someone can vacuum wrong - it was because he vacuumed from east to west instead of north to south where the nap of the carpet would all be going one way instead of another!!! My friend is still living in an unhappy relationship that quite honestly is really of her own making. Her perfectionism is the death of many of her personal relationships.
Perfectionism is the thinking that other people are incompetent compared to what you can do and how you can do it. When you send your child to his or her room to "clean" you have to let them own the responsibility of cleaning the room. If you go to them and tell them that they did it wrong they are not going to be likely to try very hard to clean it ever again. This does not mean that you don't teach, share and help your children, it means to not allow your perfectionism to hurt them. If you are continually going behind others and telling them that what they did was wrong and fuss at them for not doing it right, you are allowing your perfectionism to hurt your loved ones and yourself. Some people are very concerned about how the dishwasher is loaded, me personally I could care less! I am happy if someone else loads it! Some people are very concerned about how towels are folded, me personally I could care less! I am so happy to go to the linen closet and find clean towels. Once you are FLYing you are truly able to let go of most of your perfectionism. The few things that I am still a perfectionist about - I do myself and don't complain! Why? Because I am the one that has chosen to be picky about something, that is no one else's responsibility but mine.
Letting go of our perfectionism takes practice, this is where utilizing our timers and 15 minutes comes into play. You do not have to have the "perfect" amount of time, the "perfect" circumstances or the "perfect" setting to accomplish something. Set your timer for 15 minutes to just work on something instead of wasting 15 minutes thinking or complaining that you don't have the time to do it "right". You can let go of your perfectionism 15 minutes at a time!! (oh and don't waste time looking for the "perfect" timer either! Yes we offer timers in our Fly Shop that we love, but you can also use the timer on the microwave, stove or your alarm clock!)
Kelly
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