Dear FlyLady,

You have been such a good influence for my family and me, in regards to our home. But I didn’t know that you had changed my mindset too!

I work at a jewelry store, and a lady was in with her kids who were in their preteen years. My Aunt was waiting on her so I started to Windex the showcases. The lady turned to me and said “since you see all clean things here, do you clean all the time when you’re at home?”

I said “no. My kids are 3, 6, and 8, so I do a once a week blessing and that’s it!”

And then she started telling me about her kids, and how they are “soooo lazy” and don’t know how to clean. How they are pigs and how they don’t clean up after themselves. Right in front of them!! (Mind you, I have never met this woman before in my life, and she is sharing negative things about her kids to me, a complete stranger, right in front of them!).

So I just asked “have you heard of FlyLady?” And she said “yes but she sends you many e-mails and I can’t read all of them!” To which I responded “I know! But read what you want and delete the rest! Read the morning musing and delete the rest. And keep your sink shiny. Have you tried setting a timer?”

And she said “yes! I have set the timer for 30 minutes….” And kept talking about how she set the timer for 30 minutes for her kids to vacuum and it still wasn’t done right so she made them do it over and over and over again until it was done right… And I was absolutely beside myself! She said the vacuum was on for 45 minutes for the kids to vacuum the house…. And my heart broke for her and those kids.

She is a perfectionist just like me (and the rest of us I guess) and I wanted to share with you how freeing it has been to let my perfectionism go.

I shared with her about how my 6 and 8 year old boys blessed my home after my 3 yo had surgery last week. I shared with her that input the blessings in a bowl and I had them bless the home for 30 minutes (there are 2 of them and it was done in no time – for the whole house!!) and how it wasn’t done the way I would do it, but it still got done, and I wasn’t yelling. And they were so proud of themselves, they want to bless the home Friday afternoons from now on just so they can help!

I shared with her about the control journal for students, and how it had worked for my boys.

She then said “well, he is so lazy that he would play video games all day. He doesn’t want to work!” To which I responded, “well, who WANTS to work? Make it short, make it a game, and let it go.”

After she left, I felt so bad for these kids. The daughter was red in the face, and the son would not make eye contact with me or anyone else in the store.

I know that if I hadn’t found you, I would be that way too, obsessing over fingerprints on Windows.

Thank you for helping me remember that my home is just that – a home, not a museum – and just needs to be functional, tidy, and bless my family daily.

I hope your God breezes and morning musings speak to her, and and she overcomes being overwhelmed with you.

Thanks,

Kelsey

FlyLady here: Perfectionism pushes your children away from you! Let it got! I will pray for this lady to stop this negative behavior! If you identify with her negative attitude toward her children; then please commit to letting go of your perfectionism. Your babies need a happy you!  Please find joy in everything you do!