Dear Marla,

When I started fluttering 4 years ago, I had been looking for a system to help me with housework and everything else on my to-do list. And boy did I get hooked into simply obsessing and making new lists and not really getting off my franny as you’d say! I carefully made a sweet neat Flylady to-do list, plus a crisis cleaning one. You know what? I can’t recall looking at those particular lists and taking action.

It took a lot of FlyWashing to get me to this point, it really is about making it work for you. Flylady done imperfectly still blesses us! I know you have been looking for a wide variety of testimonials, I can tick a few boxes now and looking back: payroll SHE, breadwinner, diagnosed recurring anxiety & depression, completed 3 courses of therapy, shift worker, university student, attention issues (I’m a big daydreamer), caring for a furbaby and a partner with similar mental health struggles to mine, recurring back pain, millennial (in my early 20s), living independently and several hours from family.

Due to various factors involved in the above situations I have often felt lonely irrespective of how alone I actually was. Your video which you finish by saying “I will love you until you love yourselves” with such care and emotion in your voice…I can replay and hear you in my mind saying that whenever I need a little boost. I struggle to keep a p*****t shiny sink but my laid out clothes when I’m tired in the morning and my welcoming made bed in the evening are a big hug from you (and myself) that makes me smile and feel very close to truly FLYing.

Your teachings on paralysis by perfectionism really resonate with me now, before I truly began fluttering I would agonize too much over superficial things that didn’t matter, or wasting time checking and rechecking things because I didn’t trust myself! Writing about doing things instead of DOING IT NOW which would take the same time. I know paper works for many Flybabies but having made your system my own I find setting phone reminders helps me immensely. If I feel icky at lunch time I can have my phone remind me to wash my hair after I’ve got home and relaxed for 15 minutes that night.

I feel that if it weren’t for your building me up email by email these past few years I would find my current situation extremely difficult, but right now I feel empowered. Due to a child at risk in the family (and his mother struggling to cope alone) I decided I must help now. I didn’t obsess and was not a perfectionist with others so I could communicate kindly, honestly but firmly. My house was in fine shape and I could easily pack clean outfits for several days, I was able to book and make the several hour trip less that 24 hours after telling my supportive boss that I was taking indefinite compassionate leave.

I worried about angering people and causing rifts in the family, but when it came to it I felt strong enough to be assertive and honest, making a phone call to emergency services to give the family (especially the child) some much-needed support. I have been thanked by everyone for doing this and told I was very brave and did the right thing, but beforehand i had said to myself that it does not matter if i do not have a perfect relationship with my family, I was ready to give up everyone and be cut off if it meant I do right by the child above all else. If my perfectionism had been allowed in, who knows what could have happened! I may be in purple puddles but it is relief and joy despite all we have been through.

God bless you and yours Marla, thank you so much for all you’ve done and here’s giving you a big hug across the miles.

Flybaby Z