Dear Friends,

For over twenty years I have been sending you essays, reminders, and any other God Breezes that blow my way. Robert and I have begun to notice some correlations that could be the basis for our disorganization. I am not going to say that this is the reason our homes are messy, but that it may have a direct relation to the symptoms in our lives; messy home,
weight issues, and a lack of self love.

I feel that ABUSE could be the culprit. Robert as a judge for 20 years, saw victims of abuse in court every day; either as the abuser or the abused. We believe that men and women react differently to this abuse, as they become adults. Mind you, we are not psychologists, we are just people who have worked with this issue every day. We have read studies that report that children of abusers (little boys) can grow up to be abusive husbands. We have also seen reports about criminal defenses that fain innocence because of childhood abuse.

It is also safe to say that the majority of our members have suffered some kind of abuse as a child or as an adult. I know not everyone has been hurt by this problem. Abuse can come in different forms; mental, verbal, physical, and sexual. It can also be in varying degrees of severity; harsh words to out and out torture. It is all bad and has a toll on our spirit. Yes I was abused and I am thankful for it, now! More on that later!

Back to the differences between men and women as to handling the effects of the abuse, with our experience, men act out or rebel against the world when they have been hurt. Either by hurting others, blaming the world, or by becoming control freaks. Women on the other hand, turn their anger inward toward themselves, by overeating, trying to make people love them by being perfect, or by not feeling worthy for good things in life.

It is the perfectionism that puts our home in a state of CHAOS! As we are striving to become the best homemaker, mother, wife that has ever been; we become disillusioned by any thing less than perfection. Seeing that perfection is not attainable, we just give up. Then it becomes a vicious downward spiral! The worse we feel about ourselves, the more chaos we create in the home, the more we eat to insulate ourselves from the pain. When will it end!

It ended for me, when I realized that the only person that I could make, love me, WAS ME!  I had no control over anyone else. I didn’t want someone to love me, because I was a perfect size 12, my house was spotless, or my child was the most polite in his class. Was that really love to me? I decided that real love comes regardless of your outward beauty or abilities. Unconditional Love is what I was seeking, and I could give this to myself, even if no one else in the world would ever love me. I was going to LOVE MYSELF!

This was not easy. We have all done things in our lives that we are not proud of.  We have to get over these things and forgive ourselves for this lack of self love and get on with the life that we have been given in the here and now. We cannot ever change what happened to us as a child, teenager or a young adult. For that matter we can’t change what happened yesterday, so why do we fret about it? This is why I keep telling you that you are never behind, jump in where we are, and just start. Don’t beat yourself up about what might have been, look at what you can accomplish today.

We have spent too many years feeling sorry for ourselves and whining that I just can’t help it. “I was abused!” Well it is time to accept those bad things as just something that happened and use them as a guide to a better way of life. Looking back is only keeping you from experiencing the gift that is yours today. Your present can be the joy  you have been searching for!  If you will just let go of your past and get on with living, instead of wallowing in self-pity and pain. This also goes for illness and handicaps, too.

I am thankful for every bad thing that has ever happened to me. It made me who I am today! Without those hardships, I would not be able to know how you are feeling and relate to your pain and suffering. My pain was essential to my mission in life. I know it doesn’t sound fun. God brought me though my childhood abuse and bad marriages, so I
could learn a very important lesson. As a result I could pass my knowledge on to you. For if I can teach you to FLY, I have done my God appointed duty. It is through this love that you will be healed of your pain and sorrow. God loves us and he has put us here on Earth for a reason. We may not know or understand what that purpose is at this moment in time. I guarantee the vision will come to you, when you open up your heart and fill it with love for yourself. He wants us to be all that we can be.

In 1994, I moved to North Carolina with my second husband. That marriage only lasted a few months. I don’t even think about it being a marriage, but I am thankful everyday for being willing to make such a move to protect a marriage that was doomed. After that ex-husband abandoned me, all I could say was, “God brought me to North Carolina for a reason and I am going to stick around long enough to find out exactly what He has in mind for me.” Let’s just say that my life has been one God Breeze after the next and I have had my sails raised high to catch the slighted hint of the wind!

On our first date in 1996, Robert told me about God Breezes. It was my first recollection of this term. He said to imagine the Ole North Wind, puffing out his cheeks to blow a breath your direction. If you have your sails up, you can catch the breeze, if you do not, you will
sit dead in the water.  It is the willingness to catch the breeze that makes the journey pleasurable. Over the next few weeks, I realized that our lives had been on a collision course for several years and I had not even known it. I was willing to let the God Breezes guide me as Robert had been guided. We knew instantly that we were destined to be together. In six weeks he had asked me to marry him and in 3 months our souls were united in marriage. Just one God Breeze after another. That was 25 years ago!

So you see, I am thankful for every bad thing that has ever happened to me. It reinforces my faith and helps me to guide you. After all would you listen to someone who didn’t have a clue about you?  This is a journey we are taking and it starts with learning to FLY! Once you get your wings you will be able to rise above it all to FLY higher than you ever dreamed.

I want for you what I have PEACE and it comes by Finally Loving Yourself.

Are you ready to join me in Flight!

FlyLady

P.S. I know you don’t believe me, but step out in faith and just go through the motions for me. Practice and your FLYing routines will become part of you.