Dear FlyLady,

I have been an on-and-off Fybaby for at least 15 years and I truly love your site with its motivation and help. My big problem is that the thought of being truly organized “forever” absolutely terrifies me! I start the routine and quit, over and over. I grew up in chaos and I think I prefer it, or at least feel safe it in.

Can you help? Is this strange?

FlyBaby in Alberta, Canada

Dear FlyBaby in Alberta,

I don’t think you actually prefer CHAOS! We all love peace! There is only one entity that thrives on chaos and I will not mention his name.

You know it is hard to break a bad habit. We have had those habits most of our lives. It takes consistency of working every day to establish good habits to replace the ineffective habits that have plagued our peace of mind.

These good habits take time to become automatic. Psychologists tell us that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. Well they don’t know you like I do! I believe that it takes a full month to succeed at a habit till it becomes part of your NEW NORMAL!

Here is why I believe a full month is the key to effective habits. Our perfectionism kicks in when we miss a day. That is when we give up and throw in the towel. We convenience ourselves that CHAOS is easier because that is what we consider to be normal for us. With a little grace period, you can forgive yourself for missing a day and just jump right back in as if you never missed that day. Perfectionism is what keeps us from finding the peace you have been searching for.

I noticed that you jumped into a full routine. Many times we put together routines that are TOO large. I call this piling on; been there done that! Don’t do this to yourself. You are This is exactly why we practice one habit a month.

Once a habit becomes automatic; it is so easy to add another habit to it. This is all about stringing those habits into routines. Think of it as adding a pearl to a necklace. This is why we practice a new habit each month. After about a year of these amazing habits being established; you will have the foundation to your morning, afternoon, and before bed routines!

You have lived your whole life in CHAOS! Don’t give up! Be patient with yourself. It really is worth it! Keep in mind, that your home did not get messy in a day and it will not get clean overnight! Take babysteps to established strong habits! Before you know it your new habits will become powerful routines that become your new normal.

These is nothing wrong with being organized forever! Except that we are always going to be sidetracked. We have to keep decluttering our homes and staying on top of our routines. This is what I do!

Please commit to building your habits one at a time and getting rid of your clutter. Peace is a beautiful way to live!  This peace helps you to become who God planned for you to be, instead of the CHAOS that pulls you away from your destiny.

FlyLady