FlyLady.net

Dear Friends,

What is it about out busy lives that cause us to spout angry words like a geyser? At the drop of a hat we can spew nastiness all over our loved ones, friends and even total strangers.

There are times when we receive venomous replies to one of my essays or about a member of my trusted FLY Crew. I have learned to delete these without a reply. I don’t choose to argue with the FlyBaby because it will not accomplish the lesson I feel really needs to be addressed. That lesson is why we can lash out that those we love with a vicious tongue and not realize the damage we are doing to our babies and our relationships. I also want to look at the so-called reasons we feel that it is acceptable to do this.

I have heard every excuse in the world for the angry words that come from our mouths. They start with, I had a bad day, I didn’t get much sleep and the worst is you made me do it. This excuse is no different from the abusive husband who blames his wife because he hit her.

I will never forget a testimonial we received from a mother who sent her child out into the world with angry words ringing in his ears. Those angry words were the last words he ever heard from his mother because he was killed when a car ran over him. There is no excuse for ever letting abusive language to hurt anyone.

Think back to when you were a child. Can you remember some hurtful words that were yelled at you in anger? When a room full of people of all ages was asked this question they could recount the event as if it were yesterday. Angry words linger and fester! They cannot be taken back. They leave your lips and scare people for life!

I want to get to the bottom of this ILL behavior. This is just what it is! I think it is because you are not getting your nap out. We all know how our babies act when they have not had their naps. Well sisters, your sleep patterns are becoming more and more in the news lately. Lack of sleep makes us cranky, angry, fat, sick sidetracked and unable to concentrate. These are some of the symptoms we experience from our inability to go to bed, shut our brains off and get the rest that our bodies need.

Just last night on the news I heard a report on sleep apnea in children and adults. It said that many people who are diagnosed with ADD have sleep problems and when these problems are address the ADD symptoms go away in 75% of the people tested.

I have a dear friend who has not had a good night sleep in 25 years. As a result she was not a morning person. So much so that she is not allowed to get up till the babies went to school. She decided that she needed to be more efficient in her work day and went to the doctor to get some help. She had tried almost every thing known to help her sleep. Nothing had worked. With her doctor recommendation he put her on a medication to help her get a continuous night’s sleep. This means good REM (rapid eye movement) sleep or dream sleep.

I have another friend who did a sleep study. They found that he had sleep apnea and was recommend to sleep with a c-pap machine. This is a machine that blows air to keep airways open. He gets a good nights sleep now with the help of this machine. My next example is of myself. I am a very light sleeper. For over ten years with my husband’s recommendation, I have been wearing ear plugs each night. These earplugs keep me from hearing every little noise in the house from our animals to Robert getting up in the morning. I have started to dream again and feel refreshed when I get up in the morning. Not everyone can do this because of being alone in the house or having babies. Another thing that works to disguise the household noises is a white noise machine.

Now let’s look at what happens around you when you have this ILL attitude: Your children run for cover, your husband has learned to ignore you and your co-workers give you a wide berth. Then you compound the lack of good sleep with the stress that we place on ourselves with perfectionism. It’s a wonder we can stand ourselves. You know that may be real problem.

When we don’t like ourselves, we don’t do what we need to do to stop this vicious cycle of NO SLEEP, STRESS and SOUR Attitudes. I think the answer to this major problem is love. When you love yourself enough to find the answers, go to bed at a decent hour and figure out why we can’t sleep when we do go to bed; this is when we are FLYing (Finally Loving Yourself).

I want you to find peace. We can’t have this peace if we are lashing out at our family in anger. The whole time I have been writing this essay I have had a song running though my head. It was a song we sang in Sunday School. Please check your tongue and your fingertips to stop angry words from hurting others.

I love you all! If you have yelled at your children this morning; forgive yourself and get in bed earlier tonight? What time are you headed to bed tonight?

FlyLady

This picture says it all: We can’t rewind our words to take them back. If you want to change then you have to do it.

“Angry Words” by H.R Palmer

Angry words! O let them never
From the tongue unbridled slip;
May the heart’s best impulse ever
Check them ere they soil the lip.

Love is much too pure and holy,
Friendship is too sacred far,
For a moments reckless folly
Thus to desolate and mar.

Angry words are lightly spoken,
Bitt’rest tho’ts are rashly stirred,
Brightest links of life are broken
By a single angry word.