My husband and I got married three years ago. At the time we got together I was “climbing my way to the top” of my professional life. I worked on an average of 70 hours a week and thrive on every minute of it. I loved being in charge and have a staff and I was very good at what I did. Well, a few months after getting married (as if that wasn’t a big enough change in my life) I was notified that the company I work for filed bankruptcy and would be closing within a few months.
My husband had just changed careers a few months before we were married and he was actually excited about me not working. I, on the other hand, was terrified! I had been in top level management for the past 15 years. Now, besides becoming a newly “Mrs.” I felt like I was losing my identity. If I wasn’t working, who the heck was I? But, I thought of this as a new chapter and a new adventure. So, “Mrs. Housewife” I became.
Well, needless to say, that title sucked big time! Where was the gratification of a job well done? Why can’t I approach housework like a job? Why isn’t that working? Where is the reward? Where is the pat on the back for a job well done? Most important where is the beginning of a “project”? Where is the middle? And where is the much needed and deserved finished completed job? It never ended! HouseWORK just dragged on and on, sucking the life energy from me. I fought it with vengeance.I tried everything up my “managerial sleeve”. Nothing worked. What a thankless “job” this was! And I am not even getting paid!
My poor sweet husband did everything he could to make me feel good about our home and my part in it. But, that didn’t work. He couldn’t reach my mental block about this whole thing.
Then one day while reading one of my ezines there was a little tucked away mention of a website called “FlyLady”. Bored, I clicked it.
“Oh, how cute a little housekeeping site”. This must be for those “other” women in the world. Women who haven’t been out in the “real” world dealing with “real” world problems. Then I read a statement, “You can’t organize clutter”. Well, there you go! This woman is clueless! I am the Queen of organization. All of my things are totally organized in perfectly labelled rubbermaid containers, file boxes and drawers! Of course I can’t move around in my spare room because of all my “organization”. And whats this about no
perfectionism?! Why do something if you don’t do it perfectly?! “Oh, and look at this! My world is going to become wonderful if I just shine my sink……Yeah, right!”. Okay Miss Smartie pants FlyLady, you want me to shine my sink? I’ll show you! I shined my sink. Okay, so it looks really nice when it is done the way she talked about doing it. So, what?
Three days in a row I struggled with this shining your sink thing and then the next thing you know, it started to bug me when it wasn’t shining. Okay, this weird! So, I went back to the site and read further. I joined the mailing list. Granted, I still thought it a bunch of silly nonsense but, what the heck.
Well, that was 2 years ago. I got something for me that I didn’t know I needed. You empowered me. I finally realized this is not a job. It is my home. A place of happiness and peacefulness. It is not WORK it is a present I give myself and my husband everyday of our lives. I let go of the “perfect” notion and realized how free I feel and how much better my surrounds make me feel now. My home (and it is a HOME not a house) is our favorite place to be in the whole world.
My husband and I travel a lot and are always so happy when we get back home. It is our private world, private retreat. Friends and family are welcome and always comment on how comfortable and happy it is being here.
We aren’t trapped in a house any more. We are hugged everyday by our home.
Thank you for doing what you do and for getting through to thick headed people like me by being consistent in your thoughts and ideas.
Thank you for giving me the guidance and nudges to be free from some ugly destructive thinking.
Does my house still need some help in areas? Of course! But, I know it will come together with time and persistence. In the meantime I am enjoying life to the fullest and enjoying being a “Mrs.”. 🙂
Thank you again!
Flybaby in Michigan
FlyLady here: I know how good it is to finally get home after being on the road. Our home hugs us when we walk in the door.
I have always resented the term Housewife! I am not married to my house. I have refused to use that word on our income tax forms. Wouldn’t the IRS be blown away by the use of the lovely sounding words HOME BLESSER!
That is what all people do whether they work outside the home or not. Our home is not just a place with 4 walls and roof over our heads; it is our sanctuary.
Here is a poem that Robert gave me once. I keep it in my control journal.
Home Is Where There Is One To Love Us
Home’s not merely four square walls,
Though with pictures hung and gilded;
Home is where Affection calls–
Filled with shrines and Hearth had builded!
Home! Go watch the faithful dove,
Sailing `neath the heaven above us.
Home is where there’s one to love!
Home is where there’s one to love us.
Home’s not merely roof and room,
It needs something to endear it;
Home is where the heart can bloom,
Where there’s some kind lip to cheer it!
What is home with none to meet,
None to welcome, none to greet us?
Home is sweet, and only sweet,
Where there’s one we love to meet us!
This poem is not meant to sadden you if you are alone. Because your home is for you! You can be greeted by a home that hugs you each time you walk through the door.
We have to love ourselves first. When we quit saying ugly words to ourselves that is the beginning of FLYing! The one to love us is ourselves.
Are you ready to FLY?