How Do I Get Rid of my Mental Clutter?

Dear Friends,

Is there something that is holding you down and keeping you from FLYing?

This extra burden can come in physical trash or mental garbage.

Today is my day for renewing my spirit. As I was reading an email this morning, I was blown away by the God Breeze that filled my sails.

Here is her message:

Dear FlyLady,

Do you have any suggestions for implementing a “mental” 27 fling??? You know, all those old frustrations, angers, resentments, hurts, etc., still floating around & weighing us down.

I’ve got no problem with the physical clutter — bought 2 new pairs of shoes last week, came home & threw out the 2 worn out pairs. Bring in the mail, 90% goes in the recycling bin, the other 10% gets immediately routed to where it needs to be.

But, for example, last night I lay awake for about an hour fuming with anger over something someone had done — now I *know* beyond a shadow of a doubt that it had been a careless inconsiderate mistake on their part, totally without malice — but I was so weighed down with this mental clutter that I just got really *angry* — and I know that the fire of my anger consumes only me.

It’s not a matter of forgiving specific people for specific wrongs — just the accumulated mental clutter of years, like worn out clothes, that needs to *GO*!

I’d love to put it in a box & put it out at the curb for the trash man — but *HOW* do you do that??????

Do you have any suggestions? I’d really love to declutter my brain now, so I don’t carry this garbage around for the next 40 yrs LOL!!!


FlyLady Here:

Let me start by saying Thank you to this wonderful member for her insight. Many of us have suffered with this problem and overcome our attitudes. This is one of the hardest Declutter Challenges that you will ever face. I have two ways to deal with it. You can do them both, neither or just one of them. One solution has to do with prayer and I will send that essay out in a separate email. Send an email to with PRAY FOR SOMEONE in the subject line.

For many years I was very angry at my biological father. I felt abandoned and betrayed. He and mother had divorced when I was ten years old and as a result of brainwashing on my mother’s part, I decided that I did not wish to be around him. In fact I hated him. This hatred lasted until I made a conscious effort to look at what these negative feelings were doing to me and to my family for almost twenty years.

I found that my anger only hurt me. He didn’t know how I felt and as a result did not have to deal with the brunt of my anger. I guess this is a blessing, because I didn’t show out by saying ugly things to him. My anger was turned inward. Many times when the person who has hurt you, lives in your same house, it is hard to suppress your feelings. Now don’t go ballistic on me. I am not telling you to bite your tongue or suck it up. I just don’t want you lashing out in anger. It is fine to sit down and have a conversation about this and share your hurt. Just don’t say ugly things that you can’t take back.

We allow our martyred attitude to rule our lives. This is just another form of self-pity and whining. Our attitudes set the tone for the whole household. We often get our feelings hurt and just pout for days, weeks or years. Yes I have heard about 2 year pouts. Here is my feeling on this. Get over it. You are not hurting anyone but you when you do this.

Harboring resentment sucks the life right out of you, it is time to release this and get on with your life. Resentment and anger are like a cancer that eats you alive. It takes the joy out of living.

I have a personal mission for my life: To find joy in everything I do and be a devoted loving wife to my Sweet Darling. I don’t find joy in feeling bad about someone or remembering what someone has done to me.  It is O.K. to grieve for a day, but then let it go.

Here is how I release the people that have hurt me. I write their names on a sheet of paper as well as the wrong that has been done to me. Then I take the paper and put it in my fireplace and watch it burn. Then I practice the act of forgiveness each time I think of the wrong. I just tell myself that I have forgiven them and it is no longer worth my worry. Life is too short to be consumed by negative feelings.

When you can let go of the pain from our past and proceed with babysteps into a happy and peaceful life you will find yourself FLYing.

It is time to release these things that have been holding you back and watch your worries go up in smoke. This goes for hard feelings and things that you have been putting on the back burner. Take care of this and FLY!

I want for you the peace that I have found! You do not love yourself when you fill your heart with negative feelings.


P.S. This goes for the objects in your home that make you feel bad when you look at them. Only have things in your home that bring a smile to your face.

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